There are two guys that I found attractive recently.
One of them made proclamations of being emotionally attached to me. Then he revealed that he and his ex have been talking about reconciling. They're going on a trip together next month, and he was originally determined to be true to her, get her back, and then marry her. Now he wants to ditch her for me. But he waited a while to tell me because he was afraid of my reaction.
The other revealed that he's dating a girl right now, and it's nonexclusive but she would get mad and jealous if another girl came into the picture. Would it be okay, he asks, if he and I snuck around behind her back and didn't tell her?
Oh my God, guys are such two-timers! By the letter of the law, neither case consitutes cheating on their partners, but in spirit both pretty much are.
Have the majority of men turned into bastards while I wasn't looking? Or were my previous samples skewed inaccurately toward kinder-hearted guys?
I am scared.
12 comments:
You like neither of them. Be patient and wait.
be patient... there are good men out there...
Oh, will you look at those lame comments! "Be patient." "There are good men out there".
Fuck that. We're all cheaters by your standards. Some of us feel bad about it, some of us don't.
You're talking about what happens when you're first with someone, when the number of dates you've had is in the single digits. Everyone wants to pretend they have a special bond, and everyone's always looking around to see if someone cuter just walked into the room. Who wants to be stuck with their second choice just because they had some sorta weird scruple?
Way I figure it, at some point you have some sort of Talk about how you're an Item. Until then, it's not cheating. It's risky -- he or she might be pissed, you might lose them -- but that's just a calculated risk you take, it's not a Moral Quandary.
So don't listen to the idiots and their fairy-tale fantasies. Love is messy.
Or, if your realize the person is not your thing, you could have a pair of balls, tell them the truth, and go about looking for someone else - you know - ALL BY YOURSELF. I understand this is hard for you whiney baby boys.
This also give the girl the courtesy of an opportunity to find someone who's truly interested in her, and not someone who is actually just "there for the ride" but she thinks might truly care.
As a guy, I must say: it is simply more efficient to date multiple people, refining the selection until there is just one. Frankly, the girls I date are usually doing the same thing. Would it be fair for me to demand they drop all their other explorations at a moments notice, just after I've met them? Of course not.
Were you finding the two guys attractive at about the same time? Did you tell each about the other?
I think that our culture over-emphasizes monogamy, love at first sight - hence the quick proclamations of emotional attachments (he's got to seem completely invested in order to meet societal expectations).
Also, humans are, on a whole, terribly afraid of losing what they have, not matter what that is. Hence guy number two, who may not be happy with his current girl, is also scared of losing her.
So you've recently met a couple of hot, weak-willed guys. There are 3 billion guys out there - some that'll make every nightmare come true, and others who'll treat you like a goddess.
Oh, and as a true bastard (my parents were not legally married when I was born) would you mind updating your word use to something like "simpering idiots" or "pricks" - it'd help my really poorly organized campaign.
For whatever reason, I have to stop lurking for a bit to tell you again how amusing your blog is. And maybe to react to your anonymous commenters: ICK!
- Drew
(the semi-anonymous)
See the problem - it seems to me - isn't all the dating around, it's the lying about it.
If a guy is so scared to lose the girl he has, he should just date her for crying out loud.
If he wants to date other people, and she can't handle it, then let her go. Don't lie about it and drag her around and then drop a bomb on her later.
I agree that he could be denying her a chance to meet someone who think's she's #1 ... not maybe #1.5 or #2. Come on.
wow, seems like some lame comments you got here. I'd drop them and wait to find some good, honest man worth your time.
I married my wife, and was the first guy she ever dated.
And no, it's not true or acceptable that "we're all cheaters by your standards." That's got to be one of the more bone-headed comments I've seen in a while....nah, I was just on digg. ;)
why don't you try dating both of them and experience being a two-timer first hand (hiding one from the other is optional)? Maybe you will get to like it.
I'm a nice guy.
You know some of us Non_Asian males actually have some taste, how can I see a women who's shallow and I can just run up in as relationship material?
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