Today, Joby came into work in nicely fitted black pants, button-down vertical striped shirt, soft-black undershirt, and snappy belt.
Joby: I bought new clothes.
Me: I see that! They're showing off your new trim figure! You look so skinny, Joby. You're half the man you used to be.
Joby: [jubilantly pumping fist] Yes!!
At 7pm, I convinced a couple coworkers to play basketball. They're not on my basketball "league team", so we were just having fun.
I announced that I would make basketball one of my goals for the quarter. At Alipé's recommendation, I did that HORSE game of switching between positions and seeing how many shots it took me to get 5 baskets.
After ten minutes, I was at 2 for 23. :( Then I suddenly got 3 shots out of the next 4, resulting in 5 baskets out of 27, i.e. a 18.5% accuracy rate.
Me: Okay, my goal will be to increase it by 50%, to 27%. How accurate were you guys?
Alipé: I got 5 baskets out of 7.
Henry: I got 5 out of 8.
Me: Oh my God, my league mates should just throw me off the team right now.
We went to dinner. While walking with our plates out into the outdoor seating, I saw Reza, an ex-roommate of our intern Darryl.
Me: [very loudly, with a friendly big wave] Hi Reza!!!!
Reza: [momentarily startled, then waving back]
Henry and Alipé: [quietly to me] Isn't his name Ralph?
Me: God damn it.
We sat down and began eating.
Me: You know what would be fun and bonding? Sharing embarrassing stories.
I shared a story of how I had to heat water in our school microwave when I was 12, and I did it wrong (we didn't own a microwave at home). Henry shared a story involving his high school chemistry teacher. Alipé shared a story where he wrecked his dad's car as a teenager.
Me: Okay, so what do you think is the most embarrassing imaginable event that could occur in your life?
Alipé: [immediately, solemnly] Why, it's greeting someone by the wrong name loudly in a public setting. I couldn't imagine anything more embarrassing than that.