Saturday, July 24, 2021

a feeling of safety

Talking to my mom's friend L (two days ago) gave me a feeling of community. 

L talked about being coworkers with my mom in their 20s. She said my mom had such strong morals. She told stories of how my mom continually went out of her way to help others. It was amazing to hear about my mom's youth, before she went through decades of tough times.

L has been talking to my mom over WeChat in recent months. She said my mom feels 100% reassured (放心) about Aff being in my life, because he has such a good heart and is thoughtful toward me every day. 

After talking to L, I thought about how the shadow of this family illness has hung over me for the past two decades. I lived under a sword that could fall at any moment. Combined with America's ruthless medical system and insurance companies, it always felt that the next phone call could bring catastrophe.

But the family illness is under control via medication, and perhaps the situation is finally safe? I am afraid to think this, because in a movie, when a character says that, they are going to face a horrible fate in the next scene. 

I'll put a picture of knocking on wood.

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