Saturday, August 09, 2008

photos of duck, and an unknown celebrity

On the flight from the US to Beijing, one of my fellow passengers wore a black velvet suit, and a hat with a shiny band. It was the most attention-grabbing outfit I'd ever seen on an airplane passenger.


In the arrivals lobby, he and his friend were mobbed by a crowd of Chinese girls who clamored for autographs. The two of them stood sullenly, pressed against the elevators by the crowd. They said only a few words, in between jabbing the elevator call button.

I asked a passing airplane attendant who it was. She said he is "Bo Bo". Who is that? Nobody knows.

My friend Xian said, "Nowadays you can pay people to act like your fan. They'll greet you at the airport with a big sign, 'I LOVE YOU'. It just costs a few hundred chinese yuan per fan. This guy can't be a celebrity, or he wouldn't be wearing a shiny hat. Instead he'd be wearing a baseball cap, pulled low."


View from my desk in the Google Beijing office. I'm working from the office during most of my stay here.

Looking out any window, the eye meets a sea of 30-story buildings. At first I found this very isolating. Any of us could jump out the window, and it would make barely an iota of difference in this dense city.


View from a different window.


Chinese people share my liking for pigs. Our family friend has stickers of pigs in her kitchen, for no good reason.


Sha-mayn took me and other friends to a secluded duck restaurant. This is the bar outside the restaurant.


The restaurant itself. I like this architecture with the wooden ceiling and the skylight.


The waiter carving the duck for the table next to us, with the elegant woman.


Condiments for the duck. I've eaten duck at half my meals here.


A waitress waiting during a lull. I thought this looked very old-world.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

pressure can make diamonds ... how about gold?

China is fixated on getting gold medals in the Olympics.

The culture has always emphasized perfection. If it's not gold, it's worthless. If you're not #1, then you must be crap. My cousin's teacher once called in his parents to discuss his inadequate performance on an exam. After a long lecture, my relatives asked with fear, "What exactly did he get on the test?" The teacher's answer: 96 out of 100.

I made this visual demonstration of how it pertains to the Olympics. This is how you or I would respond to a silver medal:



Now let's look at it from the eyes of China.



The pressure is negatively affecting some of the athletes:

To learn how their athletes would handle the pressure of competing at home in the Olympics, Chinese sports officials conducted an experiment earlier this year: They invited athletes' parents to watch a gymnastics meet.

Most of the gymnasts, who have lived at their training center since they were young children, had never competed in front of their loved ones. Some could not cope.

'During the competition, some athletes didn't feel very good and even fell down from the balance beam.'


This morning, my cab driver and I had a discussion about this. In particular, we talked about Liu Xiang, the Chinese hurdler who won gold in Athens 2004, and who is representing China in hurdles this time too.



Liu Xiang is on billboards everywhere in Beijing, and his name is often associated with phrases like "the hopes of a nation ride on his shoulders". Or "1.4 billion people are rooting for him to win gold".

In a poll of Chinese citizens, staging a successful Olympics ranked fourth; watching Liu Xiang win gold ranked first (link).

Maybe Liu Xiang will be able to match the sky-high expectations, the way that J.K. Rowling did for the seventh book of Harry Potter. But I can't imagine the terror of those 12.86 seconds, after these months of buildup.

My dad told me once that computer programmers are not suited for sports competitions or artistic performances. "Those require precision on the day of the performance," he said. "You can't go in with the mindset of 'A mistake is fine. I'll just recompile. I'll get it right on the third try.'"

The cab driver this morning was even-keeled about the pressure on the athletes. "If I were the media," he said, "I would remind people that Liu Xiang has serious competition. If he doesn't win gold, it's not unusual. And whether he wins gold, silver, bronze, or nothing, he's put China on the map for track and field, and we should support him."

I like the sentiment quite a lot, but I don't think it would work as well for marketing.

I can't imagine a big China Mobile ad that says, "The hopes of a nation lie with him ... whether he wins gold, silver, bronze, or nothing."

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

it was Dan's description which won me over

Two months ago, I wrote a post about deciding between two beds, which I labeled A and B.

Out of 40 replies on my blog and FriendFeed, three voted for A and the rest for B. Responses included:

*B*B*B*


Dan: "B displays strength and grace with good proportion. A is a napkin doodle, a napkin doodle made by somebody trapped in a loveless marriage."


I say BBBBBBB!


I was momentarily swayed by the extreme nature of the votes, but in the end, I decided to get A. It arrived last month, and I finally had time to put it together a week ago.

Here it is in my guest bedroom. I think it looks lovely.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

the most dangerous number?

Eating brunch with my brother.

Me: "Last week I met a Googler who used to be an astronaut. He lived on the space station for six months."

Tom: "Wow, that's cool."

Me: "The space station is designed to house five people, though there were only two when he lived there."

Tom: "Did the two people speak the same language?"

Me: "Ha ha. I hope so."

Tom: "What would happen if they didn't get along?"

Me: "I assume NASA selects for people that will get along with anyone. Though, I was wondering what the most dangerous number of occupants would be. If there's only one person, they'll certainly go crazy from the loneliness. If there's two people, they might get into a fight and chase each other, knocking over equipment. If there's three, two of them might form an alliance, and the third person would feel left out."

Tom: "Two is the worst. What if they hate each other? They can't just draw a line down the middle of the space station."

Me: [laughing]

Tom: "They'll make a line of potato chips in zero-gravity. It'll be really obvious if someone crosses the line."

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Tom's Olympic forecast

Over brunch at Coupa Cafe, a few hours before I fly to Beijing for the Olympics.

Tom: "China is going all out for the medals this time. They have the home advantage."

Me: "I'm looking forward to watching ping pong. Odin predicted the finals will be China vs. China."

Tom: "No, not necessarily. It could be China vs. an American-born Chinese."

Thursday, July 31, 2008

okay, i'll buy travel insurance beforehand

While eating guacamole and chips at a Mexican restaurant:

Me: "The Antarctica tour company cancelled all their 2009 trips. They realized that they can't fix up their new boat in time."

Tom: "They missed their ship date."

Me: "Ha ha. Anyway, it takes a lot of renovations to prepare the boat for Antarctic conditions. Their old boat, the MS Explorer, sank last November."



Tom: "Are you sure it's safe? Think about it -- they bought the new boat with the money they had left over from the first boat."

Saturday, July 26, 2008

gratitude experiment, part 2.

[This is a continuation of my gratitude experiment.]

There is a Googler named Mike who is brilliant and ridiculous. (Some of you may already be able to guess who it is, by this description alone.) He was one of my Google interviewers, and I was floored that he not only invented a compression algorithm that I'd used for years, but was also uninhibited enough to impersonate a happy puppy during the interview.

Every time I talked to him, Mike did something ridiculous. He inhaled the helium from my happy-face Noogler balloons (a gift from Google to each new employee) and talked in a squeaky voice. He made lamb noises on a street corner when a bunch of us went to a restaurant. Once when I was in his office, he showed me a can of putty which made disgusting noises as he pressed his fingers into it. He described with relish how he and his officemate used it to embarrass people while they talked on the phone.

I usually gave killjoy responses like "Oh my God, that's absurd", but secretly I really liked the silliness.

Summer of 2004 rolled around, and I went through a difficult time. A member of my family was hospitalized, and I didn't know if they would ever recover. To add insult to injury, the insurance company was reluctant to pay for treatment. I had to petition hard to convince them each step of the way. Furthermore, the patient was angry at the way we were handling the situation, and arguments broke out amongst the rest of the family as a result. My brother and I went through the only major fight of our lives, going nearly a week without speaking to each other.

My team at work was also shipping Desktop Search. Suffice it to say that I was not very relaxed at that time.

One day during this period, Mike came over to my work area to visit. We walked around the floor to the microkitchen. He asked how I was, and for some reason, I told him the unpleasant truth without whitewashing.

Previous times I discussed the situation with others were often not comfortable. People would first assume that it was cancer, and pat my arm sympathetically as they described how their aunt battled breast cancer and beat the odds. After I corrected them on the illness and described the ugly details, we would veer off the scripts of social custom. People didn't know what to say, and sometimes this made them very uncomfortable.

That did not happen with Mike. He listened to my tale, throughout my emotional retelling. I was grateful just for that.

Then he brainstormed ideas. He suggested potential solutions in California, in Nevada, in other states. He named people around the company who might be able to help, some who had similar experiences, some who I barely knew. He said I should go ask Eric Schmidt for help. I said it was preposterous to ask our CEO about a family medical issue, and how would Eric help anyway? He said it was not preposterous.

It was in fact preposterous, but it was also very kind. Mike treated the problem as though it were his own. At one point, I made a lighthearted comment on a different subject to give him an "easy out" in the conversation. He ignored me, and kept on proposing solutions. When he ran out of ideas, he looked at me, and said with sincerity, "I don't know what else to suggest. What are we going to do?"

That meant so much to me. One pain I've found in discussing miserable problems with others is that moment of goodbye when they go back to their lives and I go back to mine. Sometimes relief shows in their eyes -- relief that they're not the one dealing with the ordeal. That's understandable and human, but it becomes all the more valuable when someone chooses to take on the problem with you, even if only for a moment.

So, thank you Mike. I never properly thanked you, and you're not the maudlin sort, so this will have to do.

avatar humor

At lunch with a few teammates and a Googler "Andre". Andre and I sat at the Google table last year during an industry event, and we've talked a few times since then.

Andre: [long-range ideas for my project]

Me: "These are good ideas. So you used the product then?"

Andre: "Don't you remember, I sent you a picture of my avatar?"

Me: "When?"

Andre: "On the day you launched."

Me: "We talked on my launch day?"

Andre: "Yeah, I sent you an IM. I was surprised you responded."

Me: "I'm surprised too."

Andre: "I sent you a picture of this tall, handsome avatar, and I said, 'I'm picking this guy because he looks like a stud."

Me: "I don't remember this."

Andre: "I was hoping you'd say 'That's good, because you are a stud."

Me: "What did I actually say?"

Andre: "You said, 'That's good, because our product motto is 'Be who you want.''"

Friday, July 25, 2008

this problem should be solveable with a simple web site

Today Google News has a spate of these stupid headlines:
Math scores for girls and boys no different, study finds:

The analysis of standardized test results for more than 7.2 million students in grades 2 through 11 contradicts a pervasive gender stereotype.

The mere fact that this stereotype exists in the US and not in China should reveal its baselessness. Chinese people assume girls and boys will do equally well in math classes.

However, Chinese people have their own sexist perspectives. I've been asked so many times by women in China, "I really like computer science, but should I switch careers because women become mentally much slower after age 35?"

I say, "Where the hell did you hear that from?"

They say, "Everyone agrees it's true. Men continue to function well mentally, but women really deteriorate at 35."

Me: "No, not everyone agrees. I do not agree. No one in America has ever said this to me."

...

We need to compile a list of the stereotypes in the world. Every time one of them exists only in specific countries, and there are no genetic traits that would clearly cause it, the stereotype should immediately be debunked.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

pigsong

Last Thursday, I met a woman who used to own a pot-bellied pig as a pet. Her name was "Judy" (changed for privacy), and the pig's name was Napoleon.

Judy said Napoleon was very loving. He came trotting to the door when she came home. He sang little oinking songs to her throughout the day. He insisted on sleeping next to her at night. He did tricks like rolling over. She fed him yogurt as a reward, and he licked it off the spoon.

Judy did an impersonation of one of Napoleon's oinking songs. It was cute.

Sadly, she lost Napoleon due to a custody situation.

As a result of talking to her, I did more research about pot-bellied pigs. This wikipedia quote is concerning:

Unfortunately, pigs do not like to be held or "cuddled," as dogs, cats or other domesticated predators do. ... Attempts by humans at lifting or hugging are always interpreted by the pig as hostile and result in struggling and squealing. The one time pigs, by instinct, will welcome close contact is to huddle while sleeping, an instinct which conserves body heat and provides protection.

But at least the pig likes to be held when sleeping. That is important.


This could be me!


This could be me!


This could be me!

...

Talking with my friend, a Googler.

Me: "I emailed the [Google-internal] mailing list 'pet-owners' about raising a pig, and -- "

Friend: "What? You're so absurd."

Me: " -- and no one owns a pig."

Friend: "Maybe there's a special mailing list 'pig-owners'."

Monday, July 21, 2008

first go stand in a crowd of your competitors

Me: "Why are you working day and night?"

Christopher: "We're shipping our product in two weeks."

Me: "What, you are? That's wonderful! That must be very exciting for you."

Christopher: "From the outside, the observer is always talking about how exciting it is. But ask the person who is launching in two weeks 'Are you excited?' and they'll say, 'No, I want to kill myself and everyone around me.'"

lack of antarctica

The Antarctica travel company emailed me today. As many commenters noted, their ship M/S Explorer sank last November.



They bought a new boat, and are fixing it up. Previously they expected to finish retrofitting it before the 2009 trips.

However, it turns out they won't be done in time, so they're cancelling all their Antarctica trips until 2010.

:(

I'm so disappointed. That could have been me on that boat!

Friday, July 18, 2008

needs some kind of QA

The chinese symbols say "Cafeteria".

Thursday, July 17, 2008

photos from spring 2008

Tonight I cleared out my digital camera. Here are some photos from this spring:


Quartet of cheesecakes that I ate. That's poppyseed in the middle.


In March, my family looked around this new casino in Vegas. It allegedly set records for how much it cost to build. But it felt so bland! It was like walking around a shopping mall (with waterfalls).




My friend Charles bought a lovely house last month, and I helped him move in.

Me: "You know, now that you bought this house, it's a sign that you're ready to settle down. You're going to be flooded with women."

Charles: "Is that how it works?"

Me: "Yes. It's like getting slashdotted."


Chocolate cake, creme brulee, and tiny milkshake. And I have some kind of hot chocolate or mocha in the cup. I need to consume less sugar. But I remember this food as being very satisfying.


This is the perfect meal. It has every food group.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

anticipating Antarctica

I booked a spot on a 10-day Antarctica trip next March, with
GAP adventures. The company owns a single boat, the M/S Explorer.



My friend Lori went last year and raves about it.

I chose this boat because it has a "Fitness Center". I expect there will be a lot of downtime while crossing the Drake Passage, and I may as well exercise. Otherwise you get cabin fever or something.



GAP runs an identical trip in January (the Antarctic summer, with 20+ hours of daylight). Unfortunately it was full, so I reserved a spot on the March excursions. It has fewer animal sightings, but I care more about glaciers than penguins. Haven't I seen penguins in the zoo? I mean, look at this:



It's pretty much the same as this, right?



My primary enjoyment of traveling lies in the anticipation beforehand and the fond memories afterwards. During the actual trip, I'm often cranky from the long hours of flying, jetlag, getting lost, starving.

This trip is great because I have nine whole months of anticipation.

The M/S Explorer also has multiple places to socialize. There's a library room, a lounge, a bar, and a cafe. Other Antarctica ships usually only have one large lounge. Having multiple lounges is good, in case one lounge is occupied by a loud person who gets on your nerves.

Today Lori said that she actually swam in a pool of water in the Arctic circle, without a wetsuit. Her body went into shock, and she had a headache the rest of the day, but it was worth it.

...

A couple weeks ago, at dinner:

Me: Is it very cold in Antarctica?

Lori: No, it's not that cold, because you wear special clothes. I find it colder in Berkeley, actually.

Me: [describing Lori's photo of penguins]



Tom: You could bring home a little penguin.

Me: No, it would die! It's used to being in ice all the time.

Tom: Apparently Berkeley is just as cold as Antarctica.

Me: Anyway, there's a January trip and a March one. I'm thinking about the March one.

Tom: Great, it'll be March of the Penguins.

Directness in dumping.

Three weeks ago, my friend Melody broke up with the guy she was dating, "Fernando". She told him that she doesn't want a relationship right now. "You're such a wonderful guy and you deserve a woman devoted to you," she said. "I can't give you what you want, because I value my freedom too much right now. So I'm going to let you go find what you really need."

This sounds almost believable (especially to the lovelorn Fernando).

Except that Melody then entered into a relationship the following week with a different guy. Now she's all lovey-dovey with New Guy.

Of course, when I ask why she didn't want to keep dating Fernando, it's a different story. (details altered for privacy) He was too picky, and often criticizing the way she did things.

Why didn't she give this information to him, I ask? Then he can either:
a). treat his next girlfriend differently, or
b). make sure his next girlfriend is fine with his demanding nature

I propose that we all be honest with the people we dump. Instead of the baloney of "we drifted apart" or "we don't have enough in common", let's say what the real reason is. "You got too boring" or "You get angry too easily" or "You got too fat" or whatever.

Part of the problem is that some reasons are taboo. If a guy says, "I'm dumping you because you got too fat," he's considered a jerk. But if he didn't want to date her in the first place due to fatness, that'a acceptable.

I think both should be acceptable.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

it will be br8

I'm thinking of throwing a party.

At my last party (Halloween), one of the activities was to each write a page of a ghost story. I provided markers and Halloween-themed stickers.

I found a spiderweb scrapbook at the crafts store. It accomodated 20 pages. But I figured everyone would want to write a page (or several), so I bought two scrapbooks. Even so, I worried that 40 pages would not be enough.



As it happened, two people wrote proper pages, and then it degenerated into a guestbook. Page 3 said, "Thanks for throwing this party!"

The final tally: four pages.



I like hosting parties that have some kind of theme. Maybe it can be a hat party. I can wear something like this:

Saturday, June 28, 2008

29

Today I am 29. Last night, at dinner:

Galahad: "Congratulations on becoming a prime number again. You've now passed the longest stretch between prime numbers, for a while."

Omst: "There's a big gap between 29 and 31, because women turn 29 over and over again."

Me: "No, Sex and the City taught us that 30 is good."

Omst: [turning to me] "Is this the first time you're turning 29?"

Me: "Yes, of course."

Omst: "You're so good at it, for your first time."

Me: "I'm a natural. I was born to turn 29."

Tom: "29 is the new 23."


Doing hamachi shooters, for the first time. It is a combination of raw hamachi, a raw egg, and some other raw fishy materials. Much better than I expected.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

no, it was on Bebo

Today is my mother's birthday.

niniane: I sent my mom a flowering plant.
omst: On Facebook?

:(

Monday, June 16, 2008

wanderlust

I have the travel bug quite badly. Later this summer, I'd like to go somewhere with museums and historical sights, and a laidback culture. It's a bonus if the destination allows me to get by in English or Mandarin (or high-school German).

I'm considering the following:

Germany. I could visit the Google Munich office.


Russia with my dad (who speaks rusty Russian):


Washington D.C.:


Cornwall, England.


Votes on which one will be most interesting?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

reading about other people's good times

I am very amused by this write-up about the making of Meridian 59. My friend is one of the original creators of that game.

Archetype is a virtual company. I have never met any of these people before, in person. I have only interviewed with one person over the telephone. Everything is surreal and dreamy. I live in total terror that maybe this is all a joke and I will be on the curb come rent time. Miraculously, a paycheck actually appears in my mailbox at the beginning of the month.
...
One of our new Guardians chooses the very original name ‘Gandalf’. When told by his coworkers that they were all going to start a tradition of having names that start with ‘Z’, he sullenly changes his name to Zgandalf.
...
Not to be outdone by 3dosucks, a new website goes live, detailing how Q will give personal favors in the game for oral gratification. This is accompanied by doctored images of his in-game character. The entire team is quite amused. Except for Q.
...
In a round of layoffs, I am forced to lay off my own brother. We rehire him a month later.
...
The entirety of server 109 gets bored, and raids server 108. They don’t player kill. Instead, they all choose names starting with clone, as in ‘clone1’, ‘clone2’, ‘clone3’, ‘clone4’, etc. They all use the same character model and they only speak in binary. One person, the master, does all the talking for the group. Server 108 freaks the hell out. They blame us. We try to explain that we aren’t that smart.

In an admirable example of the community defending itself, a player on server 108 starts a new character, calls it ‘Clone16’, and joins the game. Immediately, the other clones include him in the clone’s in-game chat channel, and start talking normally, saying things like ‘ha ha ha! I can’t believe they R so freakd!’ He quietly listens. The next day, he posts a log on the message board complete with a listing of which clone is which 109 player, and which clone guy is cheating on which clone woman with which other clone woman.
...
One of our Guardians parts ways with the company, muscled out for giving favors to his favorite customers. He is so popular that dozens of people write messages on boards that cover hot tech stock tips saying that 3DO is going down because they can’t keep their best CS people. Our stock actually dips that day.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

you had me at "hello world"

niniane: "We could store section X of data in memory."

alipé: "Or we could use that memory to increase the overall cache."

[ ... various debate ... ]

alipé: "We're only speculating that X will be accessed more often than the rest of the data. Better just to rely on caching."

niniane: "That's a good observation."

alipé: "Show me the cache!"

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Friday, June 06, 2008

My encounter with Star Trek celebrity

Google has brought in a number of well-known dignitaries over the years, and I've gotten used to seeing them around campus. But on Tuesday, in the bathroom adjoining the gym, I experienced a heart-stopping brush with celebrity.

I was washing my hands when a tall woman in a black sweater walked past me. She looked like Gates McFadden. Then I looked at her visitor tag and it read "Gates McFadden".

I experienced a jolt of adrenaline.

Gates McFadden is the actress who played Beverly Crusher on "Star Trek: The Next Generation".



This was very, very exciting for me.

I watched a lot of Star Trek growing up. Dr. Crusher was a fascinating character: cold and a little aloof, very professional, very beautiful, with an interesting past.

My friend Laura walked through the bathroom door, and I waved her into the locker room next door. Then I said, "OhmyGod, Gates McFadden is in the bathroom!!"

Laura said, "Who's that?"

I pulled us both back into the bathroom. As the Gates McFadden-like visitor headed toward the door, I stopped her and asked, "Are you the actress who played Dr. Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation?"

During my entire question, she peered down at me through large sunglasses, with no facial expression. I began to feel pretty foolish. Then she removed her sunglasses, and said, "Yes I am."

I should've realized the answer would be yes, because who besides an actress would wear sunglasses in the bathroom?

I presume it's to avoid being dogged by persistent Star Trek fans, like me.

She had read a flier hanging around, and she asked me, "What's a changelist?"

I explained.

She asked Laura about her work, and told us the reason for her visit. Then she said Google was a great place, and very "Star Trek-y". I presume the last part was to humor me. I enjoyed it very much.

Then she left before I could start in with, "Hey, in that epispode where you're psychically bound to Captain Picard and you discover your feelings for each other..."

great speech

I'm sure this will be blogged everywhere, because it's so damn good. But let me say how touching I found the J K Rowling commencement speech:

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.


So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

A or B

I decided upon this bedframe for my master bedroom:


Alas, it is currently out of stock. While I wait for it, I am going to satisfy my bedframe-buying needs by purchasing a frame for my guest bedroom. The room looks like this, without the rug or furniture (this photo was taken at the previous owner's Open House):


Which one is better?

A.

B.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

in which I identify an important deficit in the world we live in

Last night I saw the "Sex and the City" movie.


It was so good. I feel like a changed person. I'm going to get all the Sex and the City episodes from Netflix.

Yesterday I was talking to Megan, the Google personal trainer that I go to. In a Samantha-esque move, Megan saw a VIP preview of the movie three days before it opened.

Megan: "I identified with Samantha so much. When you see the movie, you'll know what I mean."

Me: "Tell me a line from the part you're thinking of, so I'll know when I get to it."

Megan: "At one point, she says to a guy, 'I love you, but I love me more.'"

Me: "Wait. You actually said those words last month."

Megan: "I know."

Photo from a party last year, when Megan spent 45 minutes telling me about getting a colonic:


The world needs more people like Samantha and Megan. They are cheerful. They clearly articulate their needs. They're fun to be around. How can we make this happen?

Megan should write a book "How to be Like Me". I wouldn't buy it, but I'd encourage other people to.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

the Italian Way

Recently I take umbrage at the Chinese tradition of overly polite offers.

Let's consider an example. I'm visiting a Chinese friend, and dinnertime rolls around.

Friend: "I'm going to start cooking dinner. Would you like to stay and eat with me?"

Me: "That's very kind, but I should really get going."


What conclusions would you draw from this?

A. My friend wants to invite me for dinner.
B. I am busy and do not wish to eat dinner with my friend.
C. Both A and B.
D. Neither A nor B.

In the traditional Chinese world, the answer is D. No information whatsoever was communicated in this exchange. All the words we uttered? Meaningless.

If the host really wants me to stay, he must repeat his invitation another two to five times. If I really want to leave, I must deny those subsequent invitations. What if I actually did want to stay for dinner? I still must reply no at least the first two times to be polite, and then I can change to "if it's not too inconvenient".

This is so inefficient.

There are cases where the guest accepts the invitation, but the host didn't actually want him to stay. I've heard of hosts disabling their stove so that it appears non-functional. "I was really looking forward to cooking for you," they say to their guest, "but my stove seems to have broken." After the guest leaves, the host reconnects the stove and cooks their own dinner.

Another effect is that when I say what I truly mean, it gets warped in the ears of the listener. Let's say my friend Ping asks to stay at my house while visiting the Bay Area. I would like to host him for a weekend, but no more. If I actually say that, he will interpret it as a blanket no. He will say nothing at the time, but will complain about it once a year for the next 35 years. (This will the subject for a future blog post concerning "Statute of Limitations if the Complainer Said Nothing When the Deed Went Down".)

So I must actually construct a convoluted tale about how I'd love to host him for as long as possible, but I have an event on the subsequent Monday that may necessitate using my entire house. Then he applies the appropriate filters to get back my original messaging.

A meta-issue is that when I don't abide by this rule, the typical response I get is "Wow, you're really Americanized." This is delivered in the same tone of voice and expression of disgust as if the person were saying, "Wow, you're really covered in menstrual blood."

So then I have a choice. Either I admit that I have forgotten my roots and lost my heritage and can't wait to dye my hair blonde and eat a dozen cheeseburgers, or I have to agree to the script.

Recently I was told that the Italian expectation is that both parties will be straightforward. If the host doesn't want the guest to stay, he'll just say so. In fact, if he does invite his guest, and he changes his mind later, he's not allowed to complain by societal convention.

Henceforth I am adopting the Italian way in this regard.

When Chinese people say "Wow, so that's what people turn into if they grow up in America," I will say, "NO! This is the Italian way."

Then I will pull out my Italian Rosetta Stone and say, "Il bambino corre."

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

if you don't think this is funny, the problem lies with you

Last Friday, I ate at Santana Row with some non-Googlers and my coworker Alipé.

At one point, Alipé and I were talking amongst ourselves, about whether a ping pong table would fit into a particular Google building.

Me: "Couldn't the table go upstairs?"

Alipé : "That area's pretty crowded. It's where they work on Generic Product." (He's referring to a confidential product that hasn't been released.)

Me: "Alipé, don't talk about that here. You don't want to be the one to leak Generic Product!"

Alipé: "Loose lips stop ships."

Monday, May 26, 2008

earthquake

My parents have been telling me about the earthquake in Sichuan.

My mother told a story about a teacher who grabbed the nearest four students when the earthquake began. He stuffed them under his lectern, and covered it with his own body. He was crushed by falling debris, as were all the other students in the classroom, but the four children under the lectern lived.

My dad told me about a group of hourly workers. After hearing about the earthquake damage, they loaded up bike carts with blankets, food, and water. They biked for many hours into the earthquake region, and dispersed their much-needed supplies. They didn't have much money themselves, and were sorely feeling the bridge and road tolls extracted on the way over.

(Example of a bike cart below)


Quite a number of people have donated impressive amounts of money. This earthquake has revealed a lot of heroes.

choices

I'm buying a new bed frame. Overstock has worked well for me, so I'm considering these frames from their site:

A.


B.


C.


I'm told that my existing home decor scheme is to locally maximize each piece of furniture. i.e. I have the prettiest chandelier, the prettiest dining room table, the prettiest clock, but together they are a mishmash. The whole is less than the sum of the parts.

To combat this, I have to figure out what goes with my dresser.



and jewelry chest:



and the room itself (sky-blue walls and light pine hardwood floors).

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Gratitude experiment, part 1.

I decided to do a little experiment, wherein I write a post to people throughout my life that I'm grateful to, whom I never got to thank. We'll see if turns out to be boring.

The first person I'm grateful to is a boy from Salt Lake City, who was my second-grade classmate. It was a year after my family moved to the US, and I was still learning English. This proved aggravating on a daily basis. I didn't know the right words to protest when another student stole my dessert at lunch, I failed an assignment because I couldn't understand the instructions, etc.

One day the teacher announced that we were going to play the game of telephone. The other American students got excited and moved to sit in a big circle on the carpet. I convinced one of them to slowly explain the rules to me. Needless to say, when I learned that the goal is to comprehend a English sentence and repeat it back to the next person, I became filled with apprehension.

I sat a third of the way down the circle, and watched as the teacher whispered for several seconds into the first student's ear. Her face lit up, and she chuckled as she repeated it to the next student. The sentence moved rapidly around the circle, and within a couple minutes, the girl to my right was whispering a long string of syllables into my ear.

To my horror, I could not decipher any meaning out of what she said.

I made her repeat it.

I still didn't understand it. At my insistence, she repeated it two more times, with growing exasperation. Finally, I turned with dread to the boy to my left, and regurgitated the first few syllables which I had blindly memorized.

They were "super california."

The boy to my left heard my accented syllables, and immediately said, "Don't worry. I know what it is." He was so reassuring.

He turned to the kid to his left, and by the muffled whispering, I knew that somehow he actually got the phrase out of what I said. And the phrase kept going around the circle.

Years later, I watched "Mary Poppins" for the first time, and realized that the teacher -- in her infinite wisdom -- had chosen the phrase "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious".

I still remember the exact expression and tone of voice when that boy said, "I know what it is." He was really kind. Thank you, boy of unknown name from Salt Lake City.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

ambivalent

Tonight I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and it was much funnier than expected.


Almost all the funny lines were from Aldous Snow. Like this one, where he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt that's a gift from his girlfriend. He hates the shirt.

Aldous Snow: [after spilling red wine on his shirt] Oh God, take my eyes, but not the shirt!

Or responding to one of his fans:

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?

Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

Or his description of his vacation with his girlfriend:

Aldous Snow: I don't know how you put up with her. It's like Hitler. Maybe that's going too far. No, it's not -- it's like a holiday with Hitler.

I wish more people were this hilarious in real-life. However, the reason the character is so funny is largely due to his cruelty. It wouldn't be good for more people to go around dashing youngsters' dreams and mocking the fashion tastes of their loved ones.

But it's so funny!

Conflicted.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

i would've asked it 500 questions already

Recently I advised a friend not to fret about her relationship going long-distance.

I advised a different friend to dump his unsupportive girlfriend.

I advised a third friend to calm down about his youtube account suspension, and to resume eating and sleeping while he's waiting for his appeal.

Then I got to thinking, how do these people know whether to take my advice? Maybe I give bad advice but I make it sound convincing. I recall a demonstration of this ten years ago:

Me: "Do you want to go eat fondue sometime?"

Iondra : "Like where?"

Me: "There are a couple restaurants that serve it."

Iondra: "What exactly do they serve?"

Me: "Usually there's a cheese fondue, and an oil fondue, and then a chocolate fondue."

Iondra : "Hm. All right, I tried to figure it out from context, but now I have to ask: What is fondue??"

Me: "It's a pot with liquid in it, like a hot pot. You dip solid food into it, and it gets coated with the liquid. So you would dip bread into the cheese, fruit into the chocolate, etc."

Iondra: "I see. [in very authoritative voice] I'm sure the cheese is fine, but the oil fondue sounds bad."

Me: "I haven't tried it. I guess you could be right. It -- Wait a second! Just a minute ago, you didn't even know what fondue was! Why should I listen to you at all?"

Anyhow, I think someone should build a product / social network app / Web 2.0 site / Web 3.0 site to fix this. Every time you need advice, you'll post your quandry onto the site with multiple choice answers. Like:

"Should I date the sister of my ex from five years ago? YES vs. NO."

"What type of phone should I buy? BLACKBERRY vs. IPHONE."

"My husband drunkenly groped my sister. DTMFA vs. FORGIVE HIM."


The service will poll all of your friends, who will vote.

After some time elapses, you go back and use hindsight to select what the correct choice was. Then each of the voters will get a boost or drop in their Advice Rating, based on what they selected.

The site takes the ratings into account when giving you a Final Answer to your question. Ergo, when it tells you to DTMFA, you know it was biased toward your wise friends, and discounted from your foolish friends.

Come to think of it, a number of prediction market applications can likely be adopted for this purpose.

Monday, May 12, 2008

if you forgot too, write a comment so that I feel even better

Me: "I feel like I'm not being a good enough daughter, because I'm not spending enough time with my mom."

Cindy: "You're letting her stay at your house."

Me: "Yeah, but that's not enough. Anyway, what did you do for Mother's Day?"

Cindy: "I actually forgot to call my mom."

Me: "What? You didn't call your mom at all?"

Cindy: "Not until the next day. She even sent me an sms, but I was busy and by the time I thought of it, it was 2am her time."

Me: "Oh my God. Well, at least I called my mom yesterday and ate dinner with her."

Cindy: [making a face like :-| and nodding] "I was pretty bad."

Me: "You totally are! I'm a better daughter than you, at least! This is great!"

Cindy: [nodding abashedly]

Me: "I knew you could make me feel better. Thank you! I'm so glad we talked."

Cindy: "You're welcome."

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I like fake inspirational posters

Wenarto's friend made these mock inspirational posters. Alas, you won't find them as funny as I do, unless you know Wenarto.


This photo was actually taken by my brother Tom, at Wenarto's request. It was New Year's in Paris. All the stores were closed but Wenarto had to go to the bathroom.


Wenarto owns wigs, costumes, and backdrops for making youtube videos. They usually involve him singing opera.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

sad letter

From Dan Savage's article this week. This letter is so sad:

I grew up in a small town, in a devout Catholic home, and I had no clue there was more than one kind of sexuality. I had thoughts and feelings I didn't know what to do with, but I don't think I'd ever heard the word "gay," much less knew what it meant.

I'd had sex with girls, but I didn't have my first experience with another guy until I was 18. I was at an ex-girlfriend's party, and it wasn't pretty; everyone was bombed or high. Except for this older guy: late-20s, maybe 30, somebody's brother. I knew he was looking at me in a way that men weren't supposed to look at other men. We got talking, realized we both hated the party, and agreed to go for a walk in what by then had to be the wee hours. We were in a big deserted park, grass, bushes, streetlights, when he turned to me and I thought, "He's going to kiss me and I'm going to throw up." He did; I didn't.

I was so awkward. I had no idea how to do the things my feelings were prompting me to do. I knew I wanted to top him, but didn't know that word or how exactly to get there. He was so patient and gentle and understanding. This is not a story of a teenage kid being preyed on. I took the lead; he guided. He never pushed anything. He helped introduce me to myself.

He lived halfway down the East Coast, but he kept in regular touch with calls and long affectionate letters, checking in on me, listening to me, reassuring me that whatever I felt was okay.

Not everyone felt that way. This was almost 40 years ago. When I got comfortable enough to tell my parents I thought I was gay, they had me committed to a mental hospital. That's another story, and not a very nice one. I was there till I was 21 and could legally insist on being released. Shock treatments, megadoses of Thorazine. I don't know why I didn't go truly nuts. I think a big part of it was the memory of that kindness and that closeness, and the rightness of it, for me. I lost a lot during those years locked up. I lost track of that wonderful guy who'd been just what I needed when nobody else understood.

I never had a chance to thank him, so I'd like to do that now, and maybe imagine he's reading this and remembering too.

Anonymous

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

shall I make a logical informed decision... or just go with pasta

I'm thinking of buying the Rosetta Stone level 1 software for Italian.


Alipé showed me the version for Mandarin, and it looks fun. One task asked him to match a photo to the sentence "This flower is big." Choice A was a tiny clover under a magnifying glass. Choice B was a little girl holding the stem of a two-foot-tall super-daisy. The girl was cute. The flower was cute. Good job, Rosetta Stone.

Anyhow, my reason for learning Italian is to visit Venice for a couple weeks this winter. That desire arose after I, along with every other woman in the United States, read the book Eat, Pray, Love. The "Eat" portion takes place in Italy. It was frivolous reading about the author spending her days eating pasta. Yet now I'm consumed with a desire to learn Italian. Good job, book.

However, I think this is a poor reason for choosing a new language to learn. It would be wiser to use factors like influence in world affairs and socio-literary culture, in which case Italian is not in the top ten.

Or I can learn from Richard Feynman's error, and base my decision on ridiculous reasons:

And since I didn't know yet where I was going to end up in South America, I decided to take Spanish, because the great majority of the countries there speak Spanish.

So when it was time to register for the class, we were standing outside, ready to go into the classroom, when this pneumatic blonde came along. You know how once in a while you get this feeling, WOW? She looked terrific. I said to myself, "Maybe she's going to be in the Spanish class - that'll be great!" But no, she walked into the Portuguese class. So I figured, What the hell - I might as well learn Portuguese.

I started walking right after her when this Anglo -Saxon attitude that I have said, "No, that's not a good reason to decide which language to speak." So I went back and signed up for the Spanish class, to my utter regret.

Some time later I was at a Physics Society meeting in New York, and I found myself sitting next to Jaime Tiomno, from Brazil, and he asked, "What are you going to do next summer?"

"I'm thinking of visiting South America."

"Oh! Why don't you come to Brazil? I'll get a position for you at the Center for Physical Research."

So now I had to convert all that Spanish into Portuguese!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

statements that didn't work

Tonight at dinner, Dan dissected the Myers-Brigg scale, in particular the introvert vs. extrovert label. He gave the classic definition of how introverts recharge their batteries through time alone, a concept he strongly identifies with.

Me: I'm starting to feel like our conversations are just combinations of the same topics, repeated.

Dan: Yeah, we need to determine the eigenvectors of our conversation. Then we can never talk again. I can recharge my battery forever!

Me: That's not good, Dan. Batteries that are fully charged for too long will lose their capacity.

Dan: [look of contempt]




At lunch with Dan some time ago, at Google Cafe 150.

Me: Speaking of Asian fetishes, here comes Ozzir.

Ozzir: [walking over to our table] Hey.

Me: Dan, this is my friend Ozzir from YouTube. Ozzir, Dan.

Dan: [to Ozzir] So you're being used as an example of a white guy with an Asian fetish.

Ozzir: 'Fetish' sounds so strong. I like to call it an Asian 'preference'.

Dan: But you can't be that bad. I mean, you may have an Asian fetish, but at least you didn't move to China.

Ozzir: I moved to Japan. I'm just visiting for this week.