Fifth Season

I just finished reading the sci-fi book "Fifth Season".

It is so good. I can't imagine how anyone could dislike it. 

Every book in this trilogy won a Hugo Award. I am glad there are two more books to look forward to. Poor future-me who has read all of them and can no longer look forward to them. 

Finished playing Uncharted 4

I like the lush landscapes and adventure story of Uncharted 4. 

It seems like the game's demographic aged during the four Uncharted games. The main character was made to look older in game 4, with more wrinkles and maturity. 

I just finished playing and miss the game slightly. 

Thankfully, there's one more expansion pack, starring two of the best female characters. 

A sweet story

This is a sweet story: Link.

I thought about all the friends’ weddings I missed because I couldn’t travel outside the country and how much I regretted not being there for the people I loved. I couldn’t do it again. If Fernando eventually came to love me, he would need to understand or at least accept my need to hide the more difficult points of my life’s timeline.

“OK,” he said, “I’m on it. Tell me what to do.”

Conspiracy theories are self-preserving

I have a hard time responding when friends send me conspiracy theories. 

The conspiracy theories usually have a built-in mechanism for deflecting all criticism.

Friend: "5G is causing covid-19!"

Me: "This has been debunked by reputable scientific organizations X, Y, and Z."

Friend: "Those organizations are all part of the conspiracy!"

Any scientific studies or debunking just get ignored as "part of the conspiracy", so there is no way to disprove them. It is quite frustrating.

asymmetry in taking care of family

In Western society, there is intense pressure to be an amazing parent to your kids, but it's acceptable to neglect your parents in their old age.

A parent who sends their kid to an orphanage is condemned. But if the same person puts their parent into a not-very-good retirement home and only visits them once per year, that wouldn't get a second glance. They'd get sympathy from their friends, "It must have been hard to put your mom/dad into the retirement home and not know if they're being mistreated."

The asymmetry is interesting.

Difficulty of what to say

I have been taking care of my mom for nearly a year now. I am often sad about it. It is lonely, and I get insecure. 

I talked yesterday to a new friend T, who does some caretaking of her own:

Me: "If I tell people how it really is, I feel like a Debby Downer. I don't want to complain to them a bunch every time I talk to them. Sending a holiday card was hard."

T: "Yeah, my grandma used to send a holiday letter every year saying 'Merry Christmas. Here's all the bad things that happened to me this year. I broke my hip. This problem. That problem. Anyway, happy holidays!'"

Me: "Yes, that is my fear. I don't want to be depressing every time I talk to people. But then if I focus on the positive, I don't feel understood. That is not real."

-----

Some people have surprised me by how they are able to understand and empathize. Others keep making an effort, even though they don't know what to say. I really appreciate both those sets of people. 

to remain well

Last month, I went to a retreat called "Yoga and Meditation in a Troubled World". We talked about presidential lies, climate change, feeling helpless and hopeless.

This was my favorite quote from the instructor:

"Self care is like self preservation, and self preservation can be an act of political warfare. To thrive, to remain well in systems of violence and oppression, is how we begin to dismantle systems of violence and oppression.”      -- Audre Lorde, activist

Audre Lorde

She means "self-care" in the sense of being at peace with yourself, not the meaning co-opted by the beauty industry to sell lotions and massages for $$$.

Previously I felt guilty if I felt at peace while horrible things were happening in the world. It was an epiphany to hear that it is actually useful.

Group yoga at the retreat

\

linked

I've been reading books by Gloria Steinem. It is energizing!

I'm glad she is living a long life, and has written many books. I hope she writes many more.

Some things she has said, which I like:

Because I’ve had the luck of having friends from Indian Country here—and also visiting a few old cultures in India and Africa—I’ve had a glimpse of a time in which people were linked, not ranked. Those words are a good mantra: We are linked, not ranked.  

If we just stop looking up at leaders, and begin to look at each other, we find our power. [Can I still look up to her though?] 

Without self-esteem, the only change is an exchange of masters; with it, there is no need for masters.

Gloria Steinem & Dorothy Pitman-Hughes

In "Revolution from Within", she talks about how interracial marriage was a crime punished by prison time, until the 1960s. She points out:

Among the many victims of such antimiscegenation laws were Asian men brought to this country by the thousands in the nineteenth and first half of the twentieth century as workers -- forbidden to bring wives from their own countries, and also forbidden to marry non-Asians here -- some of whom are still living.

Days

I have been taking care of my mom.

There are some days that are tough, and we both get impatient.

There are also really happy days. This photo was from a happy day: her birthday. 

15-month countdown

This presidency has destroyed my idealism. I used to feel joy frequently, and optimism. That's gone now.

It is not just the president's actions, though those are bad enough. It's disillusioning to see all the Republicans who support him, and the others who shake their head but then go right back to their daily lives.

On several occasions, male acquaintances said to me, "It really isn't that bad. I feared the worst after the 2016 election, but nothing too bad has happened."

I said, "Nothing bad has happened to you. Immigrants are being deported. Gay people are afraid that gay marriage will be revoked. Visas are much harder to get. Our climate is being destroyed. You haven't suffered consequences because you are not a woman, or a minority."

...

Is it all going to feel better after the 2020 election? Do I just need to hold out for another year, and this daily weight of dread and sadness will lift?

I worry that there is an innocence that is permanently gone. 

We need Buffy the ICE Slayer

Me: I learned that ICE often uses warrants that will allow them to deport someone, but doesn't allow them to enter a home or private space to make the arrest. So one of the top advice is to NOT open the door for ICE.

Aff: ICE doesn't have the right to enter if they're not invited?

Me: Correct. They are literally like vampires.

Aff: So, as long as you don't invite them in, they cannot cross the threshold.

Me: Take any vampire movie, and replace the vampires with ICE. The movie will still make sense.

good job, minnesota

I was touched by this support for Rep Ilhan Omar.

It is a gesture of allyship. Most protests are minority groups forced to advocate for themselves, such as the Women's March. There are allies present, but it's primarily the oppressed party forced to put themselves on the line.

This one is all allies. And it has a positive message. It's really nice.

I'm impressed that Ilhan Omar and AOC are not frightened. I have been frightened of the systemic injustice. I am inspired by watching them. Their courage is contagious.

Welcome Home, Ilhan Omar. pic.twitter.com/mAoVJ7Nk4A

— David Lammy (@DavidLammy) July 19, 2019

B-day time zone

Me: "Where should we go to dinner?"

Aff: "You should pick because it's your birthday."

Mom: "Oh, that's right! Happy birthday!"

Me: "Wow. My own mom forgot my birthday." 

Mom: "I wished you happy birthday yesterday."

Me: "But you forgot today, on the actual day."

Mom: "You were born in China. Your birthday was yesterday in China."

1 million of them would be bots

I have been reading a celebrity Twitter feed, which is very witty.

Me to Aff: "Do you wish I had 3 million Twitter followers?"

Aff: "No. Then you would be spending all your time trying to get to 4 million followers, and making me take photos."

Me: "You are smart."

...

Aff does not have any social media accounts. It is really great. 

Dollop

Yesterday, I was cooking a cornbread pork pie. Aff helped me put cornbread on the pork filling.

Me: "Just put dollops of cornbread over the whole top of the casserole."

Aff: [putting on dollops]

Me: "Great! Keep putting dollops. You're doing great. You're such a good dolloper!"

Me: [in Ballmer voice] "Dollopers dollopers dollopers dollopers."

Exciting convo about taxes

I saw Ozzir yesterday at a friend's wedding. Ozzir is moving to Japan. He spent a while telling me about how he will be taxed.

Ozzir: They said I might be charged based on original cost basis instead of original fair market value! Can you believe it?

Me: So you would owe a lot more taxes if it were cost basis?

Ozzir: So much more! I told them if they try to charge that, my answer will not be 'No'. My reply will start with 'f'. 

Me: Is it 'Fair enough'?

Australia

Talking to brother.

Me: Aff and I visited Atlanta and Albuquerque so far this year, and are going to Sydney later. I like going to places with diversity -- I learn more from the experience.

Brother: There won't be much diversity in Sydney.

Me: That's true.

Brother: Except diversity of animals. Poisonous animals.

The apple of knowledge and customs

Today Aff told me about a woman flying from France to Denver. She was served an apple on her flight, and put it in her luggage to eat later. 

At customs, she was searched and received a $500 fine due to the apple.

I said that compared to all the other issues that happen during customs and immigration, this was quite minor. She has to sign a form that she is not bringing fruits, so she should have known.

I wonder how I will think about this situation in 5 years or 10 years. Will I think that even though there are larger immigration struggles, this small issue is still an injustice? 

A good speech on narcissism

I heard a great talk at SXSW about narcissism. The speaker commented on how society attributes moral virtue to successful people. A new friend who is perfectly coiffed and lives in a mansion is given more of the benefit of the doubt than an "average Joe".

She said: "I do the opposite. If someone pulls up in the latest Tesla and lives in a mansion, I am more on guard. I am more skeptical of them until I get to know them."

I liked the talk.

Trolls

It's amazing to see the lengths that some trolls will go to. There's a person who's addicted to checking my blog, and writing negative comments. This person (from the New Jersey area) will sometimes check my blog several times per day, and then write nasty comments. They've been doing this for years.

Shall I feel honored that they're obsessed enough to devote a big part of their mental energy to doing this?

Strange that they don't just pick a different hobby, especially after years.

Bay Area dilemma

I am frustrated by the Bay Area. The housing market is pricing out non-tech workers. Many people in tech lack empathy for these displaced residents. California state tax is so high and yet the city has rampant homelessness and crime, and poor public transit. Many of the influential figures in this area are actually sociopaths.

But I really love the actual day-to-day work in my field, and the Bay Area is the epicenter of the most interesting work.

I don’t have any solution. It just bothers me off and on continually. 

How VCs get inadvertently biased

At dinner recently with a VC friend.

VC: I think VCs only judge companies based on how lucrative they are likely to be.  I don't think any VCs actually discount a pitch because it is coming from a woman or minority.  When you were pitching, did you think anyone judged you on anything other than your business?

Me: Several VCs said to me, "This is the first time I'm meeting you, so it will be very tough for me to feel comfortable writing a check for someone I have never met before." 

VC: Ok, that happens.

Me: How many black or Hispanic entrepreneurs are those VCs regularly spending time with?  Probably very few.  So the people they have known for years and feel comfortable backing are going to be other men in their circle.  That is how the bias plays out, even when the VC is trying to stay unbiased.

browser joke

I went to a fancy Moroccan restaurant with several people.  One of them was wearing an amazing black frilly shirt, and has cool buzzed hair that's dyed pink.

Her: "My sneakers light up.  I wear them when biking, and it keeps cars further back from me."

Me: [leaning over to look under the table] "Wow, maybe I'll get shoes like that.  I bike every day."

Her: "Oh man, I'm wearing sneakers, and this is such a nice restaurant!"

Me: [sitting upright and gesturing to her shirt] "That's okay, you look great above the fold."

I was so proud of this joke, but only one person at the table laughed.  So I'm repeating it here.

Fire and ice

As seen on the 92 bridge today.  Aff and I felt the blast of heat as we drove past.  There were cop cars but they just watched everyone drive past.

Local ice cream with homemade strawberry jam!  

My avatar.

then vs now, disney & sherlock

I read a book about Walt Disney.  In the 1930s and 1940s, people were much more honest in their quotes to journalists.  During the press for opening weekends, he said things like, "We were really rushed on this project." or "This isn't quite as good as Snow White, but it's pretty good." and "I hope people will enjoy it -- we'll find out next week!"

Nowadays people have to say hyperboles like, "We are doing things never before done in the history of television." and "This is the best script I've written in my career."  Then you watch the episode (Sherlock season 4 episode 3), and it's a tame episode that's just like other episodes.

friendship, dissected

Today I was talking to Azer.

Me: "Sometimes I end up in a friendship that makes me unhappy.  It would feel really awkward to explicitly tell the person I don't want to be friends any more.  But ghosting or always saying I'm busy makes me feel guilty for a long time."

Azer: "I had a friend tell me that the friendship wasn't working for her.  She said that she didn't want to invest more time in it.  I really respected the way she was honest about it."

Me: "Wow, really?  Was it someone you dated?  Did you ever run into her again?"

Azer: "Purely platonic friend. I did run into her later, and it was a bit awkward but basically fine."

Me: "I'm afraid I'd run into them again.  I've ended a couple friendships and then it's so awkward when mutual friends want to hang out together."

Azer: "Cascade delete is always tough."

Me: [lol]

Azer: "Maybe you need to have a stronger filter, to prevent from getting far into these friendships.  Treat it like interviewing for work.  If you were hiring for your startup, would you have hired any of the people?"

Me: "Oh God, no.  One of them invited me to lunch with her fiance the third time we met, and then got into a shouting match with him and threatened to break up with him at that lunch.  I felt so uncomfortable.  Another person met me and spoke to me for ten minutes and then went home and added me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, my blog, and emailed me.  My inbox had eight emails in a row with his name, and it creeped me out.  A third person would go into these multi-day bouts of self-criticism after every bad date, and it was so draining for me to hear about."

Azer: "If this stuff happened after the first or third time you hung out, why did you ever hang out with them again?"

Me: "Sometimes I did stop, but then I'd run into them after a couple years, and they'd feel familiar.  I'd forget that I had previously been bothered."

Azer: "Familiarity does have that effect.  There was this one guy I worked with, Joe, who I hated.  I ran into him after four years, and talked to him for 30 minutes even though I hated him.  He felt familiar.  But you should have higher standards for friends than for who you hire at work.  I do."

Me: "You do?  I have very high standards for work hiring decisions, but I feel like I should be more supportive of friends.  Everyone goes through tough times and does weird stuff.  I feel like I should be understanding."

Azer: "Sometimes I have to work with people that I wouldn't want to be friends with.  But if I'm going to actively make someone my friend, there's a higher bar."

Me: "Wow."  [mind blown]

Azer: "You fire people at work, right?  You don't ghost, or end things by exploding.  You explain the situation calmly."

Me: "Yes, of course."

Azer: "You already know how to filter and fire at work.  Just apply this to friends."

Resume Advice: Whether to List Interests

Should you list non-work-related interests in your resume?  Does it add flavor and make you stand out, or is it a distraction?

My stance is that you should add it if one of the following is true:

1. it conveys a positive work trait such as self-discipline, perseverance, teamwork ... OR ...
2. a job related to this interest would be your dream job

I once interviewed a finance person who listed on his resume that he had won an Olympic medal in track and field.  This immediately made me think that he has patience, and the ability to withstand mental pressure.

When interviewing applicants for my company Evertoon, I'd love to find people who have a passion for moviemaking.  If a job related to moviemaking would be their dream job, that's a great match.  If they enjoy movies but only to the same extent that they enjoy 20 other things, then it doesn't need to be listed.

Sometimes people list interests that many others share, and are passive activites.  e.g. 

Interests: traveling, reading, eating amazing food

 This is not going to make you stand out.  Can you imagine this conversation:

Interviewer A: "What did you think of Elizabeth?"
B: "Which one is she again?"
A: "The one that likes eating amazing food."
B: "Oh, her!"

No, that is not going to happen.  So don't put those interests on your resume.

I also think there's a lower relevance bar for interests that you put on your LinkedIn.  It's fine to list these passive activities there.  Recruiters might be sourcing LinkedIn and use this information to strike up a conversation with you.

The resume demonstrates your ability to be concise.  Don't squander it by writing interests that are cliche.

Resume Advice: How to Handle a Gap in Work History

Yesterday I gave advice to a former classmate about his resume.  Specifically: how to deal with a 5-year gap in work history.

It made me think about two years ago, when I was advising a friend Sally about her resume.  She kept mentioning a 6-month gap that happened because she was waiting for a work visa.  Should she proactively address the gap and explain it?  Should she not mention it, and hope the interviewer doesn't spot it?

I've never heard the word "gap" said so many times in one conversation.  The only type of gap that causes more obsessive worry is the stupid thigh gap.

The only type of gap that causes more worrying than a resume work gap.

Here's my advice.  First, understand why a work history gap is problematic.  A work gap can make the interviewer worry that:

1. You're not serious about working.
2. You might be rusty at the skills needed for the job.

A number of people in this world are flaky when it comes to working!  They'll do things like suddenly not show up to work for a day, without letting anyone know, and without making plans to cover their tasks.  Or they abruptly quit halfway through a critical two-month project, leaving their teammates stranded.  Or they make it known that they think work sucks and anyone who enjoys work is a fool, gradually poisoning the team attitude.  When I interview people, I'd estimate 3% of applicant are like this.  Out of people with big gaps in their work history, maybe 15% are like this.

When reading the above paragraph, if you felt horrified and thought, "People actually do that?!", then the situation is easy peasy.  I'll show you below how to reassure the hiring manager.

If you read it thinking, "I feel so understood!  Of course anyone who enjoys work is a fool.  Can you teach me how to get away with suddenly not showing up to work?", then please close this browser tab, and never apply for a job at a company I'm affiliated with.

Now, onto solutions.  If your work gap was for less than six months, don't worry about it.  It's unlikely anyone will mind, or even notice.

If it was longer, the most optimal solution (which addresses both concerns of the hiring manager) is to list any work-related projects you did.  Do this even if the project was unpaid, or if it only covered a fraction of the time period.  e.g.

2012-2014 Wrote python for open-source coding projects RecipeSearcher and DogPhotoAnalyzer. 
2012-2014 Read 20 books about improving my sales skills.

The hiring manager will think:

1. This person is so serious about working that they did unpaid work!  They had enough self-discipline to make progress on their own.
2. They were using their skills during this period, so their abilities will still be current.

If you didn't work on any projects directly related to work, but you did things that required being organized or teamwork or self-sacrifice for the greater good, put those.

2012-2014 Volunteered for Habitat for Humanity and built 4 homes.
2012-2014 Took care of an ill family member.
2012-2014 Competed professionally in ultimate frisbee.

While this does not solve concern #2, at least it somewhat addresses concern #1 because it shows you care, and are responsible.

If all you did during the gap was to passively consume entertainment, or sit around feeling sad, then just don't mention the gap.  The worst is to specifically call attention to it, while saying something that exacerbates the worries.

2012-2014 Traveled the world, sampled amazing cuisines, hiked Machu Picchu.

The hiring manager will think: If this is so important to you that you're listing in your resume, how do I know you're not going to complain every day that you're at work instead of traveling?  How do I know you won't suddenly drop an important project to go sample amazing cuisines again?

Hiking Machu Picchu doesn't signify that you can commit or be dependable.  It only signifies you can commit for a 4-day hike.

Just leave that gap off your resume.  When it comes up in the interview, say something like, "I thoroughly enjoyed traveling, and now I'm really eager to find a company that I can commit to for the next X years."  (assuming this is true)

Brain making poor analogies

This is the longest I have gone between blog posts in the past 12 years.  I still jot down thoughts, six to twelve times every day, but in private.

I realized recently that I pattern-match current situations to ones I have seen before, to predict how things might turn out. But the bad thing is that my brain will pattern match to situations that are very superficially similar, and also to fictional accounts like tv shows.

E.g. I will catch myself thinking things like "I have been working on this for 2 years. Last time I worked on a product for 2 years, the team faced challenge Y.  So I need to stay alert for Y."  But length of time is a meaningless signal!  There are much more direct signals like user feedback.

Or I will think "I am really happy with Aff.  On Sex and the City, how long was Samantha happy with Smith before problems arose?  If we've been happy for longer than that, I can feel reassured."  These are fictional characters!  

I welcome any tips for stopping these inaccurate comparisons.

the most alienating thing that ever happened to me, as a female engineer

Recently I had dinner with a colleague Raf from my old job on Microsoft Flight Simulator.  I told him how I felt that Microsoft had a less diverse culture than Google.  He asked why.  I told him one story in particular.


For two months before shipping Flight Simulator, we'd stay late every evening.  Management would bring in dinner, and the team would watch television while eating together.  My team always wanted to watch baseball.  Every evening, without fail, there would be baseball on the television.

Once, I asked if we could watch "Friends" instead.  This was met with incredulity and laughter.

A few weeks later, as a joke, my colleague Mike changed the television show to Friends, and then took out the batteries from the remote control.  He placed the empty remote on the conference room table near the door.

Our coworker Steve walked in, saw Friends on the television, and immediately grabbed the remote to change the channel.  He jabbed the remote with increasing fervor, walking up many steps until he was nearly touching the television.  He pointed the remote with outstretched arm, looking puzzled as the screen continued to show Friends.

As Steve was looking confused, Mike laughed so hard that he fell to his knees on the floor.

Steve finally turned over the remote, saw the missing batteries, chuckled, and put the remote back on the table.  Moments later, Todd walked in and immediately grabbed the remote to change the channel.

Now both Steve and Mike were laughing.

This repeated several times.  Mike laughed harder with every subsequent person that fell for the prank.  Eventually he was red in the face and could hardly straighten up from how hard he had laughed.

I think this may have been the most alienating event that occurred during my time at Microsoft.  If I had walked in, and baseball was showing on the television, it would be completely unthinkable for me to grab the remote and change it to Friends.  If I had done that, the outcry would've been thundering.  People would question my social skills.  They would tell me that I lack social etiquette.   And yet every person who walked in that night felt completely at ease to change the channel without clarifying.  They didn't bother to ask, "Oh, are we watching a different show tonight?"  They assumed that of course it's natural that they should change it to their show.

There were many other little things like this.  Morale events were always go-kart racing.  When we got new T-shirts, there were never women's sizes.  I remember being amazed and gratified my first week at Google in 2003, when they handed out blogger.com T-shirts at TGIF and there were women's sizes.

When I was having dinner a couple days ago with Raf, he asked me, "When this happened and you felt out of place, did you ever question whether you really liked engineering?  Did you ever feel like 'Wow, maybe engineering isn't the right line of work for me'?"

Me: "No.  I had such a good time writing code at Caltech, and programming as a kid.  I knew I loved it.  That was never in doubt.  I just didn't know if I'd ever find a company where I felt at ease."

Raf: "Do you think that if it were a different woman who went through what you did, she might have concluded that she's not meant for engineering?"

Me: "..."

...

More overt things happened too.  My official work mentor offered me a ride in his fancy sports car, and then reached over and buckled my seat belt for me, touching me a lot in the process.  A manager told me I need to be more assertive, and then later when I was more assertive, that now I was too confrontational (issues that magically disappeared when I got a new manager).  In a way, the overt problems were easier for me to discount.  I could tell myself that one person was being an asshole, but most of the team were probably not assholes.  It was harder to tell myself that when the whole room was laughing at the ridiculous notion that maybe my preference could be given equal treatment to theirs for one day.

grrr objective-C

me: do you know objective-C?
aff: no. when i need to make mac changes, i just add square brackets until that shit compiles

...

I find objective-C to be such a confusing language.  Sometimes the syntax is foo.bar, and sometimes [foo bar], and yet other times it's [foo param:bar].

We use unity3D with C# at Evertoon, which spares us from having to touch objective-C most of the time.  I never thought one day C# would be the language I turn to thankfully.

The (cheese)cake is not a lie

Aff baked this for me.  Yay!

Microsoft still being sexist

Wow, it's 2016 and Microsoft is still throwing sexist GDC parties.
http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2016/03/19/microsoft-apologizes-for-go-go-dancers-at-san-francisco-developers-party/

I had this exact experience in 2006: here's my blog post.

At least this year, Microsoft was forced to apologize.

A good week (we launched Evertoon!)

It's been a fun week!

We launched Evertoon.

We were written up in Forbes, TechCrunch, Fortune.

Users are making very creative videos!  They're adding their own music, audio clips, doing voice impersonations.  It's what I always wanted to happen!

We won an award at LAUNCH conference.


Chicken and waffles at the conference Winners Dinner.  Service was slow, but you could get unlimited portions.  Overeating occurred.

Me to our team: It's winner winner chicken dinner, literally.


Our advisor CP sent us cupcakes and cake pops, as a launch celebration.


We moved into a new office!  It's next door to our old office, which means everyone's commute stays the same.  But now we have windows looking onto a view of trees, and it's quiet.

Here we are goofing around with our cake pops.


Outside of work, Aff made me three batches of carrots and handmade guacamole (amongst other food).  That also made it a good week.


Now go download Evertoon from the App Store!

:)

poem-off

Aff showed me this comic:




We decided to have a contest to make up our own poems about our own lives.  His was based on the book Little Pookie, and mine was about CSS.

Aff's poem:

Roses are red,
Napa is hilly.
Did a goat eat your hat?
No, that's silly!

My poem:

Roses are red,
violet is a hue.
This poem sounds good,
but check on mobile too.

geek drama (very different from greek drama)

Recently I need to configure push notifications. I merrily fetched the encrypted certificate, to discover ... I don't have the private key in order to decrypt it.

I scoured my mind and laptop for this key. I searched deep within my soul for whether it's possible that I could've intentionally deleted a private key from my laptop. Could I have been so stupid? What does it say about me that I could've done something as stupid as deleting a private key?

If I looked back hard enough, I could vaguely semi-recall clicking on a line in Keychain Access and deleting it.

Tonight I figured out that because I'd used a service that "auto-configured" push notifications, they used their own private key, which they stored on their server. I had to upgrade my account and pay them $49.95 to download this private key. Wow.

“Without pain, how can we know joy?” —John Green

canceling the apocalypse

S: "In the midwest, we had basements in case of tornados."

Me: "Here we worry about earthquakes.  At least with a tornado, you get some warning."

S: "There's supposed to be a way to detect an earthquake.  There's a type of fish that will swim toward the shore, a few seconds before the earthquake."

C: "If you hold back the fish, does it prevent the earthquake?  [mimes holding down a fish with outstretched arm]  'Not today.' "

Car #2!

I've only purchased one car in my life, 16 years ago.  I've been driving it ever since.  

Nowadays people like to make comments about it.  Last month:

J: "Niniane, I like that you drive this car.  What this car says is, I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me."

Me: "Wait, that's not true!  What are you implying that people are thinking about me?"

...

Yesterday I finally purchased a car!  

It's so foxy, with the headlight eyes, and the reflective exterior.  

This is the last time it'll look this clean, however.

Aff: "I pity the first person who puts a dent on it.  New car owners get so angry about that, like 'How could you be such a fool?'  Unless they did it themselves, in which case it's all 'It couldn't be helped.'"

...

Azer says he names his cars.  "I named my sports car after a French model.  It was a French version of 'Lisa'.  But then it developed a flat tire the next day after I bought it.  So I decided it needed a more high-maintenance name.  Now it's named Gisele."

...

It took me months to buy this, because the San Francisco Mazda dealership uses all the high-pressure tactics that are stereotyped for car salesmen.  The "wait here while I check with my manager" and "people generally pay MSRP for this car", etc.

But I discovered the Fremont Mazda dealership, who gave me a very good quote over email, and then honored it when I arrived, with no hassle!  They pointed at a printout on their wall, which listed in tiny font the sales volume of each dealership in California, and themselves in the top #1 position with a yellow highlight.  They were very proud of this.

the pain of shopping

I hate shopping using my corporeal body.  I'm very happy to shop online, and get a little thrill of anticipation once I've placed the order.  But I really detest real-life shopping.

I realized today that this is because in real life, often your interests are misaligned with the salesperson.  They want to persuade you to make the purchase.  It is harder to stay impartial and make a rational decision, when they're using sales tactics to convince you.

This is the primary reason I've only bought one car in the past 16 years.  Car salespeople are the worst in this regard!

I dislike being in situations where I have to exert willpower to fight against the other person's goal of influencing me to purchase.  

I don't know how other people can tolerate shopping in-person.

Noma

A few months ago, I went to eat at NOMA with a few friends / former-colleagues from Minted.  NOMA was previously ranked the #1 restaurant in the world.  Now it's ranked #3.

We all watched a television show about NOMA's innovative food, and how they forage in the forest for ingredients.

This was the best dish.  It was an onion.  I know it doesn't look that great.  But it WAS that great.  It was by far the best onion I've ever eaten, and will ever eat.  This was the onion to end all onions.

We toured the kitchen afterwards.  They were probably extra nice to us because we couldn't remember whether it's customary to tip in Copenhagen, and Eric insisted to be on the safe side, we must all tip 20%.

When we got back to our lodgings, we discovered you don't need to tip in Copenhagen.

Eric got a ton of compliments from the kitchen staff on his Metallica T-shirt.


Making chocolate moss!


Interns coring apples in the kitchen.


They were growing herbs in their own little greenroom.  They also had a pickling room.


We saw them plucking the ducks behind the restaurant, as we were walking in.  They'd just hunted the ducks that morning.  The ducks had a green head and brown chest.  It's what you'd expect if you googled for an image of a duck.  Anyway, the duck tasted like a standard smoked duck, but "more so".

This was some kind of egg drink.  It reminded me of Alice in Wonderland.

Leaves foraged by their interns that morning!

After I got back to the US:

Brother: "So how was NOMA?"

Me: "So great.  They deserve to be the top restaurant in the world."

Brother: "How would you compare it to French Laundry?  You've been there, right?"

Me: "Once, many years ago.  NOMA is more impressive because they made leaves and an onion taste incredible.  I mean, anyone can make foie gras taste good, but it takes true genius to make an onion taste good."

Brother: "Oh, so French Laundry is just anyone now?"

The big white chunks are salt.  The items in the middle are leaves.  We used the sharpened stick as an eating utensil.

Copenhagen!  We walked around and took boat rides.  We were there for four days.  I had a cold / flu the whole time.

It was lovely to go on an eating adventure with foodie friends.  I'd totally go to another city to eat at a restaurant!

butter battle

Christmas photos!

Lavep hand-letterpressed this Christmas card!  It took him two evenings.  The text is a reference to how I like to walk in and say "hello friends!".

A pomegranate dish cooked by Azer's girlfriend, to celebrate the winter solstice.


A peas-and-cheese dish cooked by Azer's girlfriend.  This is the only time I remember being unable to stop eating peas.

The recipe calls for butter, but Azer insisted on using olive oil because he thinks butter is too unhealthy.

A chicken baked by Aff.  We sent this photo to Azer to show him how much butter is being used, along with the caption, "That's how we roll."  

Azer: "Well done."

Christmas tree!  I like following traditions, knowing that millions of other people are doing the same. It feels community-like.

their christmas tradition involves pager duty

Earlier this month:

Aff: "I'm going to get you a Playstation 4 and a bunch of games for Christmas.  What genre do you like?"

Me: "Story-driven puzzle games."

Aff: "I'll just get you a gift card.  All these games are downloadable."

Me: "You mean from the network that's going to be down on Dec 25?"

And now...

Who called it?!??

issue with all Star Wars movies (not a spoiler)

Last week (before anyone saw the new movie, so there are no spoilers):

Me: "I have an issue with all the Star Wars movies.  They always fly through a narrow tunnel and shoot one spot and then explode a gigantic ship.  You'd think the engineers would learn the first time.   It'd be passed down as lore.  'Remember to double-check the design so it can't be exploded from a single point.'"

Others: "True, they exploded the Death Star twice."

Me: "And Anakin exploded a big station in Phantom Menace.  You'd think that would be the failure case that gets repeated in engineering class, like how we all watched that video of the bridge that collapsed."

galapagos

My brother and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos!

There were 17 guests onboard our cruise.  Christian was the bartender and waiter.  We had fruity cocktails the first night.

We saw pink flamingos.  They look just like the plastic lawn ornaments, but very graceful.  

A shark!  So cute.

Bermuders (accountants from Bermuda) standing behind a giant tortoise.  

Me: "There need to be more kinds of superheroes.  Like a superhero computer scientist: Hacker-Man.  Also accountants like you guys.  Super-Accountant would discover an account that doesn't balance to zero, and fix it."

Bermuder: "First there'd need to be a trilogy to explain how the account even got into that state."

Me: "No one would suspect the accountant for being a superhero.  It's the perfect cover."

Bermuder: "Yeah, we actually are superheroes."

Me: "Ha ha."

Bermuder: "See?  We're even talking about it right now, and yet you still don't believe it."

Dolphins that randomly swam beside our ship for 10 minutes.

The Galapagos natives care deeply about conservationism.  They got upset whenever they saw garbage.  It was pleasant to see tour guides care so much.

Our cruise friend took a lot of candids.  I'm always sitting around looking distracted.

Our boat!  It was great being on a boat with 17 people instead of thousands, like other cruise ships.

not perfect but still perfect CG

I watched this CG video of Bruce Lee again.  While I still love love love it, I see now how there's always a little trick that distracts from his face.  There's a shadow that falls onto him, or a momentary de-focusing of the camera.  We're seeing his reflection in water, or from far above.  It's only at the very end that they do the impressive close-up.

The voice acting and the writing is still magical.

Tough Mudder

My brother has been training all year to run a Tough Mudder.  It is a 10-mile race with 20+ obstacles like crawling through mud and over 10-foot-tall walls.  I decided to support him as a spectator.

Then I decided I might as well join myself too!  So I signed up as a participant.

Tom's very buff coworkers joined our team.

The night before, we stayed at a lovely AirBnb house with a pool. We drank wine and ordered a pizza.

I got to watch my first League of Legends game. My brother had to play a game immediately, in order to not "decay" from Diamond League to Platinum. This was tremendously important.

We scoured the AirBnb house looking for a mouse, but there was none. So he had to play on the Macbook trackpad! It was painful. Even as a noob, I could tell he was misfiring everywhere.

The start of the race!  Our team is called "I Thought This was a 5k".

It was the day after Halloween, so some of us were in costume.



Post-race!  (Some people are already drinking beer and not pictured.)

The most memorable obstacle was sliding into an ice bath.

The second was the "Berlin Wall", where I somehow climbed over a 10-foot wall with no help.  I was surprised that I was able to do it, even while I did it.  It had tiny, nearly invisible, footholds between the wall planks.

I came home and promptly developed a sinus infection for a week.  It has been really disgusting.

It was a bonding experience, and I'm very glad I did it.  I don't think I'd ever do it again though, due to the sinus infection.

sick

I've been sick for a month.  I came down with a cold last month, which gradually receded but left me with a cough.  Then I did the Tough Mudder SoCal with my brother, which involved jumping into many pools of cold water, and now I have a cold again.

Curses!

It is so humbling to be sick.  Simple things like walking across the room seem like insurmountable difficulties.

I don't know why people say "I'm so humbled" when they win the Oscar.  The real humbling comes when you fall ill!

allons-y!

I just watched "Day of the Doctor" on netflix, and it was amazing!

What a magical world we live in, that we can watch such things!

Some works of fiction are so beautiful that it makes me agog. I am struck by how masterful they are.  They tell a story that transports me to another world, and make me want to be a better person.

I hope one day people use Evertoon to create movies that make me feel awestruck in this way. Then I will be satisfied that I did not walk this earth in vain.

blood war

Yesterday there was a mosquito biting me as I slept! I woke up at 4am with seven itchy bites. I stayed awake, determined to catch and kill it. A dozen times, I slapped myself in the face, trying to kill the mosquito.

Finally after an hour, I succeeded! I stared at its tiny body on my hand for 10 seconds, relishing its unmoving wings and spindly legs.

I went back to sleep. Two hours later, I woke up from getting bitten by a second mosquito! Horrors! I spent 20 minutes hunting and killing it.

An hour later, I woke up from a third mosquito!

I'm very frustrated. It is a war. I bought a bunch of yeast today and will go home and make traps for the hateful mosquitoes. I found a recipe online for "homemade mosquito trap".  I already purchased an insect zapper on Amazon, but it was completely ineffective against these mosquitoes.

problems of the super rich

Chatting with Azer.  He just had lunch with "Bob", a friend who is an executive at Google.

Azer: "Bob told me that people who have too much money are really messed-up.  He said everyone he's met who has over $200 million dollars is screwed up."

Me: "Why $200M?  That's a strange number to choose.  Wouldn't you say $100M if you were just picking a large number?"

Azer: "Maybe he has more than $100M but less than $200M, so this way he's still below the screwed-up threshold."

Me: "I wonder if next time you see him, he'll say, 'Actually Azer, you can have $200M without being screwed-up, but once you get over $205M, you become really messed up.'"

reality show ideas

Yuichi told my brother and me to watch a reality show about Koreans clubbing in LA.

It's entertaining, but every episode takes place in a nightclub!  They all work as bartenders, dancers, or club promoters, so every episode is filled with blue dim lighting and alcohol.

I want to see a reality show about research scientists who are curing cancer.  It would still have drama, love triangles, victory, despair, and charismatic attractive people.  But while watching, we'd also learn about the latest cancer research, so we could feel good about watching it.

I'd also like to watch a reality show about atomic physicists.

Magical lyft

Today I got picked up by this awesome lyft car!  It's blue and square, covered in Dalek and TARDIS decals, and of course note the license plate.

It's wonderful when people make art for pure enjoyment, with no ulterior commercial motive.  

I got in and said, "It's bigger on the inside!"  I asked the driver if he gets that from every passenger, and he said sadly it is rare.

I wish I could request him again.  I also wish other Lyft drivers did this, so that I'd get picked up by phantom tollbooths and banana cars and batmobiles.

why do people optimize for deathbed

I often hear people say to each other, "Don't work too hard.  No one says on their deathbed that they wish they had worked harder."

I'm sure that's true about deathbeds.  But I bet students who slacked during college wish they'd worked harder, when job hunting season comes around.  I bet plenty of people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s look at their friends with more satisfying jobs and greater financial security, and wish they'd worker harder themselves.

Why do people optimize for the one moment of the deathbed?  You should optimize for the 80 years that you're living, not the final 12 hours that you're dying.

I also hear people complaining about all the ways they're unhappy about their marriage or family, and then they say, "But at least I'll have somebody at my deathbed, so I won't be dying alone."  By the time you get to your deathbed, it's basically Game Over, so why spend any effort improving it?  

cooking

I've been using Blue Apron to cook.  They send me the ingredients, and then I chop, saute, bake.

Tonight I had 5 people over.  I made fried chicken and a cornbread pie.  These were recipes from Blue Apron, which I expanded to serve 6 people.

Fried chicken is really hard to make for 6 people!  It took forever.  I think we finally ate at 9:30pm.  But at least it was better than the first Minted engineering steak-cooking night, when the gas went out for 1.5 hours, and we ended up eating at midnight.

Tonight, Arv to me: "The cooking -- was it hard to scale?"

Me: "Yes!"

Arv: "Yeah.  But it came out pretty good."

Me: "I was going to make a pumpkin pie too."

Everyone: "Oh my God.  No."

Me: "But I gave up on that."

Arv: "You have to ship."