At lunch with Rolandall (Randall + Yolanda = Rolandall).
Me: Falling in love is so rare! I don't know how all these other people do it. ... So I've accepted the fact that I may never get married.
Randall: In 20 years, we can introduce our kids to you as our weird spinster friend.
Me: That's right. I'll get 19 cats. As you're leaving, I'll throw a cat or two at you.
Randall: When I was a kid, there was an old neighbor down the street. She was 70 when I knew her, but had been a widow since her 20s when her husband was killed in war. All she would do is watch Wheel of Fortune and chain smoke. After she died, I had to go help clean out her house, and scrape nicotine off the walls.
Me: Don't worry, I'll pre-pay professional nicotine scrapers as part of my will.