Aragorn

James sent me this "Secret Diary of Aragorn" post.  It pretends to be the diary of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.



I was very bothered by it, and wrote James this heated reply:

It is quite untrue to the characters!  Aragorn was always conflicted whether he ought to become king -- the whole fear of inheriting the corruption from his ancestor and "this weakness runs also in my veins".  The "still not king" theme really goes against his central passion as a character!

Also he showed no predilection whatsoever to being attracted to hobbits.  I feel like this writing just took a bunch of cheap shots that are not based on the actual book.

Here is what I would write instead:

Day 1: Stressed!  Too much on my plate.  Need to delegate more.  Will tell Boromir to watch the hobbits.

Day 5: Holy crap, lost the necklace that Arwen gave me.  Omg omg omg.  This really hurts my chances of getting back together.

Day 6: Amazon primed a replacement necklace. 

Day 8: Hobbits captured by orcs.  Damn it Boromir, you had ONE job.

Day 10: Went into Hall of the Undead.  Bent them to my will, and commanded them as an invincible army.  Also totally got the eyes from Eowyn.  So, you know, a pretty good day.

Day 11: Arwen is more innocent cute but Eowyn is more sexy cute! What do I do!

Day 12: Omg, almost called Arwen "Eowyn".  Fuck, that was close.

Day 15: Today Eowyn talked to Faramir more than to me.  What the heck!  

Day 16: Frodo succeeded with the ring!  Wow that was like a 1 in 1000 chance.  Glad that worked because I had ZERO backup plan.

Day 17: Totally saw Eowyn making out with Faramir.  Arrrrgh.

Day 20: Saved those hobbits Merry and whats-his-name, rode around on a white horse, standing ovation, yeah yeah!  Proposed to Arwen.  She is totally the One.  I always knew it from the first moment I saw her.  Have never liked anyone except her.  

Day 87: Wait, wasn't I supposed to release the Army of the Dead from their curse? I don't think i remembered to do that??  Oh well, if it were important, someone would have reminded me.