I had a friend Jeff, whose dad is a paramedic. One day, I asked Jeff about the most disgusting case his dad saw.
A little old lady was shopping in a supermarket, and wanted a jar off the top shelf. It sat above her reach, and there was no stool in sight. She stepped onto the bottom shelf and reached her hand up as far as she could.
Even standing on the bottom shelf, she was barely tall enough to reach the top shelf. She fumbled with her arm fully extended, and her finger got caught in the hollow metal junction of the shelf edge.
She struggled to free her finger. In the ensuing kicking, she fell off the bottom shelf.
Her finger was still firmly wedged in the metal hollow. The shelf tore off the end of her finger and then pulled out a vein all the way from her elbow out through her finger.
When the paramedics arrived, the vein stretched from the shelf to the tip of her finger, as she stood on the ground.
Alipé: "I went to the Folsom Street Festival last year. This is a fetish fair, so you'll see a bunch of gay men dressed in leather. They like to wear assless leather chaps."
Cue: "'They'? Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"
Alipé: [ignoring] "There were bondage fetishists and S&M fetishists. Some people had paddles, and you could pay them and then hit them with the paddle. [mimes swinging a paddle]"
Cue: "So how much money did you spend that day?"
Alipé: "I was walking, and I heard the sound of dogs barking. [mimes bark] Woof! There was a huge circle of people gathered on the corner, watching.
I walked over, and in the middle of the circle was a naked woman. She had upended two nearby garbage cans onto herself. [mimes dumping a heavy cylinder onto his body] There were scraps of rotting food, dirty dishwater from restaurants ... It reeked!
She was covered in the garbage, and the smell was causing her to vomit. The sound of barking was actually her retching. [mimes retching]
She was vomiting onto her own body, and using her hands to spread the vomit over herself. The smell was so awful that it caused her to retch even more -- a perpetual cycle of vomiting."
Which story is more disgusting?
(Alipé, don't yield to the temptation of voting for yourself more than once to fake a victory. You don't want to turn this slander into truth.)