Monday, February 05, 2007

stages of chinese mating ritual

Over instant messenger with Omst.

Me: With chinese flirtation, the man progresses in stages. In the first stage, he sits next to the girl he likes. No touching. He just sits next to her. After some time (perhaps across multiple encounters at parties), he advances to touching his shoulder to the girl's shoulder while they sit next to each other.

Omst: clothed?

Me: Yes, both shoulders are clothed. Oftentimes, the girl will walk away, to play hard to get. She'll do this even if she likes the guy. He has to repeat the stage to figure out if she's playing coy, or if she actually isn't interested in him.

Omst: wow this is quite the ritual! he has to repeat? how does he know if it isn't going anywhere?

Me: If he does it ten times and she keeps walking away, he gives up. [pause] All right, the next part, if she seems okay with it, is that he can accidentally brush her arm with his arm.

Omst: this is stage 2?

Me: No, stage 3. Unless your counting is zero-based.

Omst: ok I'm 1-based.

Me: Stage 1 is sitting next to, with no touching. Stage 2 is sitting next to, and shoulders touching.

Omst: I integrated those two.

Me: Oh NO, you can't integrate those two steps! Remember that each step involves a number of repetitions before you can advance.

Omst: Ah. So is this what XXX did to you?

Me: Well, he liked me, and he was preparing to initiate stage 1. I was sitting on the arm of a couch, and he came and sat down next to me. Then, to his shock, I reached over and ruffled his hair, thereby skipping about 15 steps.

Omst: So what does he think of Americans now?

14 comments:

ZHANG said...

I am the first one to comment:-) That guy was so lucky since he saved lots of steps and potential repetitions...

cappuccino said...

well,good memories!
Now, people in China are becoming more and more "brave"!hehe,even more brave than Ameircans!

Anonymous said...

somebody is a sloot!

noughts said...

Ah, but now the poor fellow faces a real dilemma: without the preceding steps and iterations, he has no basis on which to decide whether the behaviour was anomalous, or represents a high level of genuine interest. He has to come up with a strategy to balance the risks involved with the potential for pay-off. And so the game begins...

crosses said...

Indeed. If he reciprocates at the same stage or one higher, and her play turns out to be false, then he ends up looking like a complete fool and gains nothing. If he reciprocates at the standard rate from his earlier play, she may well read his conservatism as a lack of interest in jumping her bones, and move on to more savoury prospects. He must endure a certain amount of risk, while keeping one foot firmly planted in the realm of plausible deniability. On a good night, I'd split the difference and add two, e.g. if you start at 1 and she comes at you with 15, you come back with 9 and so forth. Once your confidence or alcohol consumption justifies belief in a trend, you may proceed to up her ante. (ahem)

Anonymous said...

It is obvious you are not interested in him. We ruffle dog's hair or little brother's hair. But, we caress our lover's hair.

Niniane said...

Caressing hair is stage #33.

-Niniane

Anonymous said...

check this:

http://www.smh.com.au/news/web/googles-step-in-the-wrong-direction/2007/02/07/1170524144806.html

KL said...

So true... instead of the 4 bases of baseball, it's more like the 100 yards of (American) football... and you have to try multiple times to gain the 1st & 10... :P the good times...

Johnny Bravo said...

I'll have to bookmark this post for the Beijing Olympic Games.

Rob F said...

I laughed out loud when I read this. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I think I am in love and I want to marry you! (Oops - I just skipped 9,000,000 steps. But I don't care. You are incredible.)

Just a white guy from the Yukon . . .

Enzo said...

What are the other stages? I have been looking everywhere to find them and no website talks about them. You can email me at Wrestlerchick3x@aol.com
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

can you please send it to
wthx100@hotmail.com
too? thanks. ^^