Thursday, March 15, 2007

breakup philosophy

Chatting during dinner.

Coworker #2: My ex keeps talking to me! I need to move on, and she's making it harder.

Coworker #1: Just do what I do.

Rest of us: [turning attentively toward him]

Coworker #1: Delete her number from your mobile, block her from your IM, and tell your common friends, "Pick a side -- me or her."

...

I told this to Trent, who said, "Don't forget to set up an email filter so that her emails are automatically routed to the Trash."




Dan and I previously discussed the best way to handle a breakup. You can either continue to talk to each other, or stop contact cold turkey until you're both over it.

We both think it's better to take a break from your ex, until the relationship ashes are cold.

Now, the difficult situation is if your ex wants to talk, and you've moved on but you know they haven't. Further contact is going to prolong their recovery. Do you figure that they know what's best for themselves, so you go along? Or do you decide they're not behaving in their own best interests, and you ignore their calls in order to protect them from themselves?

39 comments:

Apple & Egg said...

How do you handle the break up between the classmates? You got to stay with her/him for more than 6 hours every day in the same classroom.

Niniane said...

> How do you handle the break up between the classmates?

1. Don't dip your quill in the schoolyard ink.

or

2. Since there will be drama anyway, you might as well go all-out. Immediately start dating another classmate. Or date your teacher. Or both of you can start dating your teacher.

Anonymous said...

oops...
I just made a breakup last night. Then I saw this. What a coincidence!

girlrobot said...

wow i'm in that exact predicament. it's so hard!

Anonymous said...

You impose an impasse by telling them that you are too pained by talking to them and cannot bear the contact. If they keep contacting you at that point you shut them out. This will spare you the drama and will save them from pain. My formula is that the time to resume contact is after twice the time of the duration of the relationship has passed.

Chris said...

that sounds pretty good Anonymous, at 3/16/2007 12:21 AM

Juanpa said...

It is very hard to cut all kind of communications, but I think is the only way....well, when there was true love...
If it was just a game....theres no problem, you can keep talking to each other :D
Well thats what I think

留香 said...

enjoy your article deeply!

KE Liew said...

Is the classroom that small that it's such a bother?

And besides, how long would that drama last? And does it really matter? How weak can a person be if ya so easily moved by your friends. Talk about peer pressure. :/

One should learn how to control their own emotions, thoughts and words, no matter the circumstances.

Been there done that. It makes me much stronger than before, meaning I don't take no crap from nobody unless it's made of gold and worth my time. The process wasn't easy, but since when good things come easy? It only comes easy for short term, which we all lovingly enjoy and suffer later on.

justin said...

i feel like, the right thing to do is to remain resolute in your decision. But the hardest thing, and maybe the wrong thing is thinking that the choice you made for both of you was not the right one.

What do you do then?

Anonymous said...

答案在这里:

逍遥游 庄子
北冥有鱼,其名为鲲。鲲之大,不知其几千里也。化而为鸟,其名为鹏。鹏之背,不知其几千里也。怒而飞,其翼若垂天之云。是鸟也,海运则将徙于南冥。南冥者,天池也。

  《齐谐》者,志怪者也。《谐》之言曰:“鹏之徙于南冥也,水击三千里,抟扶摇而上者九万里,去以六月息者也。”野马也,尘埃也,生物之以息相吹也。天之苍苍,其正色邪?其远而无所至极邪?其视下也,亦若是则已矣。

  且夫水之积也不厚,则其负大舟也无力。覆杯水于坳堂之上,则芥为之舟。置杯焉则胶,水浅而舟大也。风之积也不厚,则其负大翼也无力。故九万里则风斯在下矣,而后乃今培风;背负青天而莫之夭阏者,而后乃今将图南。

  蜩与学鸠笑之曰:“我决起而飞,抢榆枋,时则不至而控于地而已矣,奚以之九万里而南为?”适莽苍者,三餐而反,腹犹果然;适百里者,宿舂粮;适千里者,三月聚粮。之二虫又何知!

  小知不及大知,小年不及大年。奚以知其然也?朝菌不知晦朔,蟪蛄不知春秋,此小年也。楚之南有冥灵者,以五百岁为春,五百岁为秋;上古有大椿者,以八千岁为春,八千岁为秋。而彭祖乃今以久特闻,众人匹之,不亦悲乎!

  汤之问棘也是已:穷发之北,有冥海者,天池也。有鱼焉,其广数千里,未有知其修者,其名为鲲。有鸟焉,其名为鹏,背若泰山,翼若垂天之云,抟扶摇羊角而上者九万里,绝云气,负青天,然后图南,且适南冥也。

  斥鴳笑之曰:“彼且奚适也?我腾跃而上,不过数仞而下,翱翔蓬蒿之间,此亦飞之至也,而彼且奚适也?”此小大之辩也。

  故夫知效一官,行比一乡,德合一君,而徵一国者,其自视也,亦若此矣。而宋荣子犹然笑之。且举世而誉之而不加劝,举世而非之而不加沮,定乎内外之分,辩乎荣辱之境,斯已矣。彼其于世,未数数然也。虽然,犹有未树也。

  夫列子御风而行,泠然善也,旬有五日而后反。彼于致福者,未数数然也。此虽免乎行,犹有所待者也。

  若夫乘天地之正,而御六气之辩,以游无穷者,彼且恶乎待哉!故曰:至人无己,神人无功,圣人无名。

  尧让天下于许由,曰:“日月出矣,而爝火不息,其于光也,不亦难乎!时雨降矣,而犹浸灌,其于泽也,不亦劳乎!夫子立而天下治,而我犹尸之,吾自视缺然。请致天下。”许由曰:“子治天下,天下既已治也,而我犹代子,吾将为名乎?名者,实之宾也,吾将为宾乎?鹪鹩巢于深林,不过一枝;偃鼠饮河,不过满腹。归休乎君,予无所用天下为!庖人虽不治庖,尸祝不越樽俎而代之矣。”

  肩吾问于连叔曰:“吾闻言于接舆,大而无当,往而不返。吾惊怖其言犹河汉而无极也,大有径庭,不近人情焉。”连叔曰:“其言谓何哉?”“曰‘藐姑射之山,有神人居焉。肌肤若冰雪,淖约若处子;不食五谷,吸风饮露;乘云气,御飞龙,而游乎四海之外;其神凝,使物不疵疠而年谷熟。’吾以是狂而不信也。”连叔曰:“然,瞽者无以与乎文章之观,聋者无以与乎钟鼓之声。岂唯形骸有聋盲哉?夫知亦有之。是其言也,犹时女也。之人也,之德也,将旁礴万物以为一,世蕲乎乱,孰弊弊焉以天下为事!之人也,物莫之伤,大浸稽天而不溺,大旱金石流、土山焦而热。是其尘垢粃糠,将犹陶铸尧舜者也,孰肯以物为事!”

  宋人次章甫而适越,越人断发文身,无所用之。

  尧治天下之民,平海内之政。往见四子藐姑射之山,汾水之阳,杳然丧其天下焉。

  惠子谓庄子曰:“魏王贻我大瓠之种,我树之成而实五石。以盛水浆,其坚不能自举也。剖之以为瓢,则瓠落无所容。非不呺然大也,吾为其无用而掊之。”庄子曰:“夫子固拙于用大矣。宋人有善为不龟手之药者,世世以洴澼絖为事。客闻之,请买其方百金。聚族而谋之曰:‘我世世为洴澼絖,不过数金。今一朝而鬻技百金,请与之。’客得之,以说吴王。越有难,吴王使之将。冬,与越人水战,大败越人,裂地而封之。能不龟手一也,或以封,或不免于洴澼絖,则所用之异也。今子有五石之瓠,何不虑以为大樽而浮乎江湖,而忧其瓠落无所容?则夫子犹有蓬之心也夫!”

  惠子谓庄子曰:“吾有大树,人谓之樗。其大本臃肿而不中绳墨,其小枝卷曲而不中规矩。立之涂,匠者不顾。今子之言,大而无用,众所同去也。”庄子曰:“子独不见狸狌乎?卑身而伏,以候敖者;东西跳梁,不避高下;中于机辟,死于罔罟。今夫嫠牛,其大若垂天之云。此能为大矣,而不能执鼠。今子有大树,患其无用,何不树之于无何有之乡,广莫之野,彷徨乎无为其侧,逍遥乎寝卧其下。不夭斤斧,物无害者,无所可用,安所困苦哉!

Angie said...

I prefer to stop all contact until my feelings are resolved. Usually once they are resolved, I wouldn't take him back if somebody paid me. By that time I've finally opened my eyes to how bad things were (not just the good times) and I don't see how I could go back.

As for him, I don't care if he keeps loving me forever or not. His recovery has nothing to do with me. He should've done right to begin with then we'd still be together and happy. :)

= Christine = said...

Just say it to their face, "Move on, will you? 'coz I hv!"

Too harsh? Perhaps.

But reality bites. And there is no reason we should sugarcoat it.

Shy Geek said...

Talking to the ex is good for therapy and other things.

I always talk to the ex because it gives you a good chance to bang them again.

Sex with the ex is usually good.

Finally they get the point and move on and I've saved money on hookers.

No harm no foul.

Anonymous said...

看您这种劣等黄种人那“高等华人”的吊样。

等中国人统治美国时,看看您的混血杂种后代会如何?

不要不相信奇迹,在21世纪,中国人定会统治这个世界。

谁是世界上知晓东西两种文化的种族,谁是世界上既了解字母体系文化又了解象形文化的种族?

是现代中国人。从哲学上讲,如果中国人不统治地球,对不起白人的上帝。

Marasmius said...

I typically save vs. Wisdom on a d20; failing that, ethereal Power Word Kill...

Niniane said...

Sometimes I get a series of negative blog comments that arrive a few minutes apart, from older and older entries. It's clearly from a single reader.

They will devote 3 or 4 hours to reading through all of my archives, even as they post comments about how lame I am.

The latest one is the most dedicated. Judging from the pattern of attack, his/her understanding of English is minimal or nonexistent. Yet this foul-mouthed racist reader is going through every entry, looking for comments in Mandarin and writing asian-supremacy follow-ups. It has been going on over several days now.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I get a series of negative blog comments that arrive a few minutes apart, from older and older entries. It's clearly from a single reader.
=============================
吾尝得间或之负面博客评价,甚尔很古老之帖子,吾判断此乃一人所为也。


They will devote 3 or 4 hours to reading through all of my archives, even as they post comments about how lame I am.
========================
有人兴奋乃费三四小时来观吾之如此之古老之帖,甚尔置诸如“吾乃烂人”之评论。

The latest one is the most dedicated. Judging from the pattern of attack, his/her understanding of English is minimal or nonexistent. Yet this foul-mouthed racist reader is going through every entry, looking for comments in Mandarin and writing asian-supremacy follow-ups. It has been going on over several days now.
===============
最近一人士更而“专注”。吾从其攻击风格于是判断乃一不熟英文之先生/小姐,甚而是种族主义者,下流无比,以普通话(还几吧满大人呢……)撰写亚洲至上论(错矣,乃中国至上论)。此乃最近即日之似水流年故事……

Anonymous said...

引用“在21世纪,中国人定会统治这个世界。”
这种谬论你也能说出来! 看看吧:中国人使用的电脑是美国人发明的,网络是美国人发明的,飞机是美国的.中国只是在邓小平的正确改革开放方针领导下,取得了一丁点儿成就,就让你这样的人冲昏了头脑? 中国的制度和美国更本无法比,劝你别去相信“共产主义那样的鬼话! 清醒吧,朋友!

Niniane,是我非常崇拜的偶象! 因为她能做到的事我一样都做不到,到现在,我的英文都好烂.我有空就会来看看她写的博客.已经成了我生活中的一部分。所以,请你这样的人,不要再来发表谬论,攻击她!

对我来说,我出生在中国,却是美国人养育了我!因为通过互联网,赚到了美元,使我生活更美好。
Thanks The United States of America!

Frank said...

Hey I can sign in using my google account. This thing is awesome!

maybe you should just do one of those limited access things that they do on xanga. I mean it sucks to have to have everyone register, but its probably better than letting someone turn your website into a forum for racist propoganda.

Anonymous said...

对我来说,我出生在中国,却是美国人养育了我!因为通过互联网,赚到了美元,使我生活更美好。
Thanks The United States of America!
==================

说这句话的人,你有没有脑子啊?是你自己养育了你自己,怎么是美国白人养你呢?

你是靠美国白人施舍而生的啊!!什么TMD狗屁逻辑。


你NINIANE知道一个简单的道理吗,在美国都不敢讨论的,我告诉你,你以为“美联储”是“中国人民银行”啊?

我告诉你,不是的,是私人公司的合伙“银行”。

我记得有一位犹太人银行家说过这样的话:只要我掌握某个国家的货币发行权,谁当国王都无所谓。


这就是美元的本质——从根本上就是一个“恶魔”,一个吸全世界人民鲜血的恶魔。

美元的本质,既然是恶魔,那么就必然要将美元消灭。

而泡沫破灭最好的方法就是戳破它。


纸币,要保留它的价值只有两种办法:
1、用枪逼你用——所以美国有世界上最大的军事预算;
2、有足够的货币发行准备(比如黄金白银之类的)——这也是美国白人(连带现今的八国联军们)在中东地区如此嚣张的原因——因为他们必须要取得货币发行的本金。




世界运行得很复杂,远比你NINIANE小姐编程的那个程序复杂多了。


世界就是个大程序——找到美国这个程序的联系调用的环节,也就是让它死机可能发生的可能。


NINIANE——I LOVE U(怎么样,偶的英语好不好·)

安拉——干,操

Anonymous said...

实际上NINIANE长得很丑是不是,不知道她那些图片是不是拍得艺术照?搞得很漂亮似的,其实在中国大街上随便抓一个都比她漂亮。


不知道是不是在美国白人基因里的丑陋的一面通过空气传给了她的原因。

NINIANE,我建议你到韩国去整整荣。

Wee Willy said...

Hahahah asian-supremacy....
Never heard that one before....

They're all hung like fruit bats...

The Asian guy pulled down his pants and she said.

"Who you gonna please with that?"

He looked at her and said. "Me who else"

whitemens' evil said...

Forgive us!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

疯子,你不会用这种方法来泡我们的Niniane吧?

Anonymous said...

Niniane,你长得很丑知道吗?

我建议你到韩国去整容,没钱我给你。


整得漂亮点。

lick my american balls said...

Anonymous

Please speak English.

The language of your master.

Anonymous said...

SHit,English is evil's language.D U KNow?

We know your language,but u don't know our language.

We know your culture, but u don't know our culture.

D U know who is master in the 21 century?

Of course ,we are ur master.

D U know?

Anonymous said...

White bitch, why not delete the blogger website?

hehe ,u know ,the things i paste r ur historical crime.

U can't delete that, bcz it happened before.

U whitemen must be in hell.

We can fuck ur west evil

Anonymous said...

Niniane,给你道歉了。


实际上我是模仿周星驰风格开你一个玩笑而已。


你还是很漂亮的,很有才气的。

如果你能把才气带给中国,那更是一种福气。


你开发的白云啊黑土啊我都看了。

在GOOGLE之类的公司做,很容易让自己的技术陷于太广泛的一面。


你应该在细化一些,专注于某一个领域。

Anonymous said...

以后偶每天来夸一次NINIANE小姐。

1ST DAY(一个亚洲人说的):NINIANE是非常漂亮的姑娘。

Anonymous said...

U should be dedicated in one industry such as finance or fish application. U do everything in Google.But when u get old and old, what should u do?

U can't do anything in google.Why not deep-kiss with only one thing.

2006年的中国首富是张茵女士——收废纸做办公纸的女人。

匿名者(满大人语,yeah周星星) said...

哇,Niniane是如此的美丽哦。

Anonymous said...

这里有没NINIANE的COWORKER?

我想知道NINIANE有没嫁人啊?

你爸也是种族主义者 said...

你不要光说别人,你爸爸也是种族主义者。


呵呵……

Anonymous said...

Most of these trolls don't even make sense! I think someone's been inhaling a bit too much pollution today.

Anonymous said...

Niniane你这条狗,被白人操爽了吧

Jake said...

I love you Niniane!