Today I told Lillers that I posted a "wanted" ad seeking someone to teach me soccer. I am a noob at soccer, and I want to find someone to teach me, until I am good enough to play in a recreational league.
Lillers said, "How did you pick soccer?"
"I asked the personal trainer [whose service I bought for 2 hours from groupon] for any sport that I could actually become good at."
Lillers said, "That's so sad." but she said it in a loving way.
No one answered the ad for five hours, and I got depressed about it. I figured it was a foolish idea, and I've missed the boat by not having been on a sports team as a child.
But just now, one person has answered the ad, and I am immediately filled to the brim with excitement! I am imagining a movie montage where I learn feints and run down the field kicking the ball.
It is my great hope that I could actually become good at a sport. Not just be allowed to play because it's a co-ed team and they need women. Or permitted to play for 5 minutes when the gap between scores is so great that I couldn't affect the game. But actually to be a valid contributing member of a sports team, where people are glad that I showed up because it increases our chances of winning.
This is scary because it feels like too much to hope for.