Happy Father's Day to my dad!
I think these are more entertaining in Mandarin, so the Chinese speakers will appreciate it more.
"有人一生象 sin(x)，从零开始，到一。 还有人象 cos(x)，从一开始，到零。 反正从零到 2 * pi 积分，最后都是零。“
("Some people's lives are like sin(x): starts from zero and then increases to one. Others are like cos(x): starts at one and then goes to zero. Regardless, when you integrate from zero to two pi, it all ends up being zero in the end.")
("Out of ten things, be content if seven or eight of them go well. If all the advantages in life accrue to your family, are other people going to keep on living?"）
"我昨天跟你妈说：你这次去法国参加婚礼，幸亏你没养猪。 你说：把猪搁哪儿？ 你说说看猪能搁哪儿。"
("Yesterday I was telling your mom: this time you went to Europe for a wedding, thank God you never got a pet pig. Tell me: where would you put the pig? Let's hear where you could put the pig while you're gone.")