Talking to Megan (my personal trainer) during my training session today.
Me: [while doing bicep raises] "I got invited to a black-and-white event."
Megan: "Oooh! What are you going to wear?"
Me: "There's a simple black dress I've had for a while."
Megan: [waving hand dismissively] "Hey, let's go shopping at Christian Dior!"
Me: "I don't know..."
Megan: "The butterfly cut is hot right now. Don't you want a dress that's in vogue?"
Megan: "Why not?"
Me: "Anyway, I'm sure my date won't care what dress I wear."
Megan: "So what? You'll appreciate it, right? Look, I've gone on dates just to wear certain dresses. I was like, 'I'm dating my dress right now, and I love him!""
Me: "Your dress is a him? Shouldn't it be female?"
Megan: "When it's on top of me, it's a guy."
Me: "Fair enough."
Megan: [demonstrating a push-up followed by a jump] "Do ten of these."
Me: [starting push-up] "Anyway, you've seen my fashion sense. We've gone out, and I was dressed fine."
Megan: [observing my push-up] "Fine for a regular -- Niniane! Why are you wearing two differently colored socks?"
Me: "Okay, sometimes you gotta work with what you have. In the gym bag."
Megan: "You're wearing one piggy sock and one black sock, and you say your fashion sense is fine?"
Me: "My fashion sense knew that mismatched socks are wrong! I just didn't have a choice!"
Megan: "I am definitely taking you shopping. You need me in your life."
Me: "I'm not sure about this."
Megan: "Relax, we'll get something classic, and elegant. I'm not going to make you wear a freakin' banana on your head."
Me: "Good, because a banana is neither black nor white."
Megan: [clenching arms] "I'm really trying not to smack you right now."
Me: "Unless it's Banana Republic."