if there’s one thing I believe more than I believe anything else, it’s that you can’t fake the core. The truth that lives there will eventually win out. It’s a god we must obey, a force that brings us all inevitably to our knees. And because of it, I can only ask the four women who wrote to me with the same question: will you do it later or will you do it now?Many of us believe that if a situation is perfect on paper, but we're unhappy with it, what needs to change is us. I've had several friends who think if they're at a job that is high-status high-paying high-growth, but they're not happy, then the problem is with them. Even if the culture is fratty and they are not, or if the culture is extremely critical and they are not, they think that they're unhappy due to a psychological failing rather than a mismatch.
Sometimes it is truly just anxiety pulling you back. Or maybe you are letting what's on paper blind you from the reality of whether you actually want it. I remember a long time ago, driving on 101 while talking to my friend on the phone. I listed out all the ways my then-current romantic relationship should be perfect, how much I respected him and how great he is in so many ways.
My friend said, "Yeah, it turns out that whole list of reasons isn't as important as actually being happy in the relationship."
Wise words. Sometimes hard to follow.