someone in the world is complaining about water but thankful he at least receives texts properly

CM: [complaining about how his iPhone doesn't receive text messages when he's in Mexico]

Me: "I think you just need to call the phone company."

CM: "This is a first-world problem.  I shouldn't be complaining.  There are people in the world without running water."

Me: "Those people have phones."

CM: "True. They have better phones than I do."

(Proof: "More People have Cell Phones than Clean Water")

super bowl commercial I've watched 10 times

I love this 2-minute commercial made by personal injury lawyer Jamie Casino.  He lives in Savannah, Georgia.  He personally wrote, directed, and acted in this video as a tribute to his brother, and then bought up the entire local airtime during Super Bowl to air it.  It was only shown to Savannah residents.

One article says:

Though it aired on the small affiliate the video has now been seen by millions as the commercial went viral - a concept Casino admits he doesn't understand. 

"I can't believe it," he said. "I don't know how any of this social media works. My wife does our Facebook page. … I had heard of videos going viral but I thought they paid people to do it."

In another article, he says he spent under $100,000 for creating the video and then buying the Super Bowl airtime.  He started Christmas Eve, filmed for 3 days, and edited for 3 weeks.

I admire that he went over-the-top to create an artistic piece that would satisfy himself. It wasn't done purely as an advertisement (he never mentions the phone number or website of his law firm). It wasn't for fame, since he didn't realize it would be seen by millions. It was a labor of love.

It's hard not to be won over by competently-executed labors of love.

New favorite book: Ready Player One

CM recommended a book to me: "Ready Player One".  After I got halfway through, I told him that it may as well be renamed "Book for Niniane".

This is now the best book I've read.

It is about a post-apocalyptic world where people live in stacks of trailers.  All fossil fuels have been exhausted.  People live in poverty, and spend all their time plugged into a virtual world.  They use visors and haptic gloves to interface with this world.

It has everything I would want in a book.  A virtual world with avatars.  Character development and self-actualization along Maslow's hierarchy.  Having admin abilities in a massive game / simulation used by billions of people.  Playing a perfect game of Ms Pac Man.  Educational games that teach math in an entertaining fashion to schoolchildren.  Fighting off an enemy until the fight makes you re-evaluate your goals and take bold risks which sacrifice your own self-interest.

I talked to CM about the book for an hour.  Other friends kept coming by and saying, "What are you guys talking about so intently?  STILL the same book?"

respecting the user

Of all the qualities required in the leader of a product, there is one that I think is most important.  This quality is more important than people management or communication or fundraising ability or technical knowledge.

The quality is a deep understanding of the user.  The leader should have an intuitive knowledge of how the user thinks, what they read or watch, how they make decisions.

Therefore, the worst sign is when a leader makes fun of their users.  For example, on some games, the most hardcore users will spend 30, 40 hours per week playing the game.  Some leaders will actually mock these users.  They'll say "these users have no social life".  Or in enterprise software, the leader mocks the hardcore purchasers for being bureaucratic, like the manager in Office Space.  For a flash shopping site, I've heard the leader refer to their power users as "housewives with too much time on their hands".

So far I've seen a correlation between leaders who make fun of their most hardcore users and decreasing userbase over time.  Any time I heard a leader say that their most fervent user "has no life", I assume the product is doomed.  If you don't deeply respect your user, how can you build a great product for them?

The saddest is when a founder who understood their user is replaced in later years by a CEO who mocks the user.

Amazing CG of Bruce Lee

Marveling at this CG video featuring Bruce Lee.

I showed it to CM, who said "Holy crap.  I watched and my first thought was, where was the CG?"

The subtitles don't do justice to the original words.

Bruce Lee died at age 32.  He accomplished so much in his short life!

So many extreme close-ups in this video!  The creator really had guts to take on this many close-ups, lip syncing, emotional facial expressions.  Hats off to the animator.

four views of the same photo

Several years ago, I read this NYTimes account of four journalists taking photos of the same event.

It's interesting how each of them views it.  From journalist Charlie Cole:

I think his action captured peoples’ hearts everywhere, and when the moment came, his character defined the moment, rather than the moment defining him. He made the image. I was just one of the photographers. And I felt honored to be there.

... This tends to overshadow all the other tremendous work that other photographers did up to and during the crackdown. Some journalists were killed during this coverage and almost all risked being shot at one time or another. Jacques Langevin, Peter and David Turnley, Peter Charlesworth, Robin Moyer, David Berkwitz, Rei Ohara, Alon Reininger, Ken Jarecke and a host of others contributed to the fuller historical record of what occurred during this tragedy and we should not be lured into a simplistic, one-shot view of this amazingly complex event.

A different journalist:

For some reason, the editor in the office did not pick the frame of the man blocking the tanks. Instead, they picked the frame of the man climbing up the tank. The next day, A.P.’s version was widely played. They called me up at the hotel and I told them to have a close look again. So my photo of the man blocking the tank was released more than 12 hours later than my competitor’s.

Neither of them had the photo that was most widely used. That distinction belonged to the A.P. photographer, whose photo fronted many newspapers worldwide. But what these two journalists wrote in response was so different. One was frustrated at his colleague for making him "lose" to his competitor journalist. The other was awestruck at what he had experienced, and shared his spotlight by giving credit to others.

I think we each have these sides within us: the petty competitive aspect, and the awestruck grateful side.  I re-read this article every year or two.

4-leaf potato

Going to London and Dublin next week!

Over IM:

Potamus: in my mind, dublin is a frozen land with icy potatoes stuck in the ground

me: ha ha

me: icy potatoes!

me: omg

me: are there a lot of potatoes there?

Potamus: i think so

Potamus: ireland in our history book was all about potatoes

Potamus: and then when they didn't have potatoes, it was the potato famine

me: in my mind, dublin is a green shamrock field with a big castle, pubs inside the castle, friendly singing with an irish accent, big bear hugs between big burly men, and little singing leprechauns

Potamus: wow

...

We will see who is closer!

thanks

In life, there are some things where no matter how hard you try, it may or may not work out the way you want. I went through this once before, when I was 24. My mom was very ill, and I thought for many months that I was going to lose her. She went into the ER a couple weeks before Google's IPO. People sometimes ask with a touch of envy what it was like to be at Google pre-IPO and during the IPO. The answer is that I don't really remember the atmosphere during that period, because it was so overshadowed by my fervent wish that my mom could recover. Things felt very bleak at the time.

I made a vow back then. I vowed that if she recovered, I would be completely grateful. It felt like a stretch to even ask for that in my mind. It felt like I was overreaching. It was hard to see a way through the darkness.

But she recovered, pretty much fully. 96%. Some doctor threw out that number, and it's what I've been using. That's more than good enough. For a year after the whole ordeal, I was grateful all the time. I was probably really pleasant to be around, because I was continually happy. After a year, the gratitude gradually started to fade. I wrote myself emails to be delivered on a future date using a special service, reminding myself to be grateful. I just received one of the emails a few months ago.

Today I am sitting in my childhood bedroom in my parents' home in Las Vegas. They have lived in the same house for 22 years. My mom cooked me dumplings last night, and noodles.

I have forgotten how to be grateful. I tried. I kept a gratitude journal last year where I wrote down 3 things daily that I was grateful for. I made dozens of entries. It felt forced.

It's different to logically think up something to be grateful for and write it down, vs feel it intuitively deep into your bones, 24-7. I think sometimes life threatens to take things away, so that you appreciate what you have.

"careless" employees

Recently a friend said to me, "My remote engineer contractors aren't committed enough.  They say they'll get a feature finished by the end of the week, but they don't finish in time!  How can I get them to be more committed?"

Another friend said, "My engineers in China are not invested.  They're not detail-oriented.  Our error rate on the site is insanely high.  The engineers just do a half-assed job.  I wish I could hire engineers who care more."

A third person said, "My engineer is too young and isn't careful.  He doesn't check his work.  He lets serious bugs get onto the site."

In all 3 cases, after hearing about how these engineers are careless, I had this exchange:

Me: "Do you do code reviews?"

Friend: "No."  (except first friend who does them retroactively after the code is already checked in)

Me: "Do you send out technical designs for review, before you start coding?"

Friend: "No."

Me: "Do you have unittests to catch the regressions?"

Friend: "No, we barely have time to develop the features.  We don't have time to write automated tests."

Me: "Do you have manual QA?"

Friend: "No.  I try to test the site when I have time."

Me: "Do you have a standup every morning, so that you know about schedule delays after at most one day?"

Friend: "No.  We're such a small team.  It seems overkill."


Why, why, why would people expect to get great results if they flout all the best-practices that have developed over the past 20 years?  And then blame the poor engineer?

Let's say I ask an architect to build a house.  But because his hourly rate is expensive, he's not allowed to make a blueprint first, or build a small-scale replica, or to spend time holding discussions with subcontractors.  Every minute needs to be spent doing hands-on work on the house.  The house ends up being completed late due to re-work, and after being finished, it has all sorts of problems.  Do I blame the architect?

Meditation

I started taking meditation classes at SF Insight.  Meditation is amazing!  I've been taking weekend classes that go from 10am to 5pm.  The first time I look at my watch, it's already 4-5 hours into the class.

This is not the case with yoga.  With yoga, the first time I look at my watch is about 10 minutes into the class.  Then I look at my watch every 2-3 minutes until the interminable thing finally ends.


The chapel where my first meditation class was held.

The meditation class touches on questions I've struggled with for years, like how to care a lot about something (e.g. work, parents, a relationship) without getting worked up about it, and becoming obsessed with the outcome.  The meditation teacher had an interesting answer about stepping away a little and watching myself behave in an obsessed way, as though I'm observing another person.


Courtyard where we did walking meditations.

Another question that has haunted me for years is how to be around other people, without taking on their material desires.  For example, I used to have no desire to fly in business class in an airplane.  I had opportunities to do so at Google, and I ignored them because it did not seem important.  Last year, I spent a week in Shanghai visiting a dear friend W who loves flying business class.  At the time, she was traveling every month, flying 10-12 hours each way.  Every day during my visit, it would come up in conversation.  Now I've had a desire to fly business class since that time.

This was an innocent example, but there are more pervasive desires that I think are not inherent to me, but just picked up via osmosis from others.

The meditation teacher said that if someone is really affecting me strongly in a way that's hard for me, I can avoid them, like I would avoid a wild elephant.  If it's just a minor influence, then I can first make sure to emotionally feel my own preferences throughout my body.  If I'm only thinking logically about my preferences, that's not very strong, and I would be easily swayed by others.  If I make sure to truly feel my inner wisdom on an emotional level, then I would be less impressionable.

Next I am going to visit Spirit Rock and then the Green Gulch Zen Farm in Marin.

Gourmet tacos from a truck!

Today I had these two tacos from a food truck. Both use organic local ingredients. The food truck has Zagat rating 25.

I love California.

I love these Minted engineer quips

Polo: omg theres a gigantic cake that was just put on Jen's desk 

Polo: should we quickly eat it before she gets back?

Kas: quick gogogo. no time to cut. use your hands

...

Jeet: I wrote a tool called SQLrillex. When you run it, it drops all databases

...

Aul: Just looked at the tupperware in my lunch. The brand is "unix". I'm using unix tupperware. 
Bond: "It's a unix tupperware. I know this."

what percentage of the world feels secure?

Last weekend I went on a 3-day trip with 12 people, as a bridal weekend in celebration of L's upcoming wedding.  I finally figured out why it felt so cozy.

All of the people there wanted to make everyone else feel good.  No one was trying to establish their own superiority by cutting down someone else.  No one was sizing up others, thinking, "Am I better than them, or are they better than me?"  No one was silently judging others, and revealing it through subconscious cues.

It was really remarkable.

What was also remarkable is that it took me several days to figure this out.  You'd think I would notice right away.  But I am so desensitized to the dominance games that I barely notice them, or their absence.

I wonder what percentage of the world is secure like L's friends, and what percentage play dominance games.  Is the world predominantly secure, and I just happen to have met many competitive people because they congregate to the Valley, or because I have been oblivious and ended up accumulating acquaintances like this?

Or is the world predominantly feeling insecure, and L's friends are just exception?  

How to Get People to Stop Doing Things that Bug You

A few years ago, I spent two hours reading internet webpages about how to be more punctual.  I've struggled with being non-punctual throughout my life, and it's always one of my New Year's Resolutions.

One page talked about how if you are trying to get your late friend to improve, it is not productive to say "You are late again!  You're always late!  Why are you perpetually late!  You are just a late inconsiderate person!"  That reaffirms in their head that part of their self-identity involves being late.  You've said they're selfish, and they'll sink to your expectations.

Instead the web page suggested you say, "You're late -- how unlike you."  Then the person will want to rise up to the expectation that they're characteristically punctual.

I realized as soon as I read the words that this would totally work on me.  

If it is too disingenuous to imply that they're punctual, you could use a variant such as "You're late -- how unlike you, since you're usually so thoughtful about everyone".

...

When I lived in my Mountain View townhouse, I threw parties every year or so.  After the second one, both of my neighbors complained.  One wrote me an angry note that said, "You threw a loud party again!  This is unacceptable!  We complained last year, and you did it again!"

The other said, "I know you're a considerate person, so I want to let you know that the noise from your party disrupted several of us.  Thanks -- you've been a good neighbor."

Which one do you think made me feel sheepish and determined to go the extra mile to make absolutely sure it never happened again?

Oh snap! Photos

Tom, Potamus, James, and I went to a small island for a weekend.

The 3 of them cooked dinner. My job was to take photos during the preparation, and to do dishes.

Me: "I'm done with photos!"

Tom: [looking at the photos I took] "No, your job was to take *good* photos. You haven't started yet."

Fantastic Feast

Yuichi invited ten people to dinner at House of Prime Rib.  Yuichi is the recruiter at Minted.

He created a Minted party bunting banner that said FANTASTIC FEAST.  He then called the restaurant four times asking if he can hang the banner over the dinner table.

Three times, the restaurant said he needed to wait until the manager is available to speak with him.  On the fourth time, the manager answered and said no.

I find it so endearing that Yuichi cared enough to call the restaurant four times.  When you learn to do creative writing, the writing books teach that the most important factor to making a character interesting is to make him want something a lot.

It's very compelling when someone has a strong goal.  It makes you automatically want to help them achieve that goal.



James and I now say "Fantastic Feast!" when we're faced with good food.

We also adapted this to when we make mistakes.  We say "Gigantic Gaffe!" and "Enormous Error!" and "Fantastic Fiasco!"

let your intensity flag fly

Yesterday Potamus told me about her friend "Janet", who is setting up an online dating profile.  Janet is an ambitious person, with two degrees from Harvard and a hobby of running marathons.  She's afraid of intimidating men with her intensity, so she toned down her profile.  She listed demure hobbies such as baking, and omitted the marathons.

I think this is a mistake.  She is going to attract guys who want a domestic girlfriend.  These are the very guys who are going to be intimidated when they learn her true self!  The guys will say "I liked you better when you spent Saturday baking instead of training for a marathon" and she'll feel dejected and want to hide her true self even more.

Instead, if she makes her profile reveal the full level of her intensity, she will attract guys who want that.  They will be the type of boyfriend who helps her get ready for her Saturday mega-runs, and who talk proudly about her degrees without feeling threatened.  By toning down her profile, she is making it less appealing to these guys, who will skip over her and head for the profile of the power woman who doesn't hide who she is.

People occasionally asked me in the past, "Do you feel inclined to act less outspoken / smart around guys so they will like you more?"

Obviously no.  Then you attract guys who want a demure girlfriend.  That's never going to work.  Obviously act 100% as smart and opinionated as you are, so that you attract men who want that.

There are many men who want to be with the smartest woman they can find.  Some are themselves very successful.  Some are domestic and want to be the househusband.  They have been searching for a powerful woman and will consider Janet their dream come true.

I understand the urge to repress part of yourself in order to fit in more.  I have not felt it with romantic situations, but I have felt it with the chinese community, when I was young (19, 20 years old).  Once I was in a group of 20 chinese people who were recently immigrated from China, and they did not understand a particular English word.  They looked it up in the dictionary but still didn't really understand it.  Everyone in the room was talking about how this word is very unfathomable.  Finally they asked me if I knew.  I did know what it meant.  But I felt that it would be too awkward to stand out as the only person lecturing the whole room on the word definition, so I shook my head and implied that I didn't know either.

Then I felt extremely awkward for the rest of the evening.  I had hidden my true self in an attempt to fit in, and actually it made me far more isolated.

Let your true self show!  If someone is too intimidated by this, it is better that they self-select out early.  It is doomed anyway, so it's better that you don't waste time on it.

Dilemma!

Minted's annual white party is coming up!  I am very excited.  

However, dilemma!  I want to wear a sandstone-colored dress.  It is a great dress.  But it is a white party!  Dilemma!

Here is a photo to indicate the color of the dress:

Do you think I should do it?  Here are some photos from last year's white party, to give a sense of acceptable attire.

Walking from party bus to party.

Me with work BFF.  Her dress is slightly off-white!  Ivory perhaps?

Attire in this photo definitely looks #FFFFFF.

Dilemma!  

Always let them see the fear in your eyes

There's a leadership philosophy which emphasizes not revealing your fears.  "Never let on that you have fears.  If your team sees that the leader is worried, it will make them discouraged and even more scared themselves."

I used to believe in this, when I was just starting out at Microsoft.  My first manager subscribed to this theory and would tell me, "No matter how you worry on the inside, never let it show to your team."  He lived this philosophy, and never told me about any worries, even as that specific project started faltering.



Many years later, my management coach at Google countered this theory.  "The most effective leader is one who is straightforward, and comfortable in their own skin," said Brian, the management coach.  "Think about Bill Clinton.  Effective leaders let you know when they're nervous.  They do it in a calm way."

I've subscribed to Brian's approach for 6 or 7 years now, and I find it effective.  If the team knows that the leader is nervous about X, they'll focus on that rather than being distracted by Y.  Seeing the leader's vulnerability makes the team feel a stronger connection.  It's also a relief for the leader to be honest rather than trying to bottle up all of the worries.

There are a few keys:

1. Spend most of the time describing potential solutions, not dwelling on the problem.

e.g. "I want to reduce the likelihood of Bob getting defensive at tomorrow's meeting.  I sent out an agenda beforehand so he can be mentally prepared.  I invited Joe who is a calming presence.  I also will limit the time we spend on controversial topics.  But I'm still worried that all of these are not enough."

Don't spend all your time catastrophizing: "I'm worried that Bob will get defensive at tomorrow's meeting. If he does, it might set the tone and influence Phyllis and Janet.  If all three are opposed to the contract I proposed, it could kill the deal.  If we don't get this deal, we'll fall short of our revenue targets."

2. State the situation in a calm tone of voice.

3. Make it clear that you welcome help, but that you are not relying on the help, and that you will be resourceful in the situation regardless.

Say "This is my plan, but I'm not 100% confident it will succeed, and I welcome suggestions."  rather than "What are we going to do?!  This is horrible!"

...

I met a startup CEO a few years ago.  The startup started going through tumultuous times, and the CEO never revealed any worry.  He broadcasted an aura of great confidence.  However, everyone else in the company was already highly worried because they could log into Google Analytics and see that there were major issues with traffic levels, user acquisition, and revenue.  The CEO acting stoic just made people feel out of touch with him, and less able to brainstorm together.

There's always a roller coaster in every startup, no matter how successful it is.  It's better to come across as a courageous human than a stoic robot.

Pianos and art

There are many pianos in Moscow, in unexpected places.  Today we went to Gorky Park.  There were half a dozen pianos used as flowerpots.

There are also ping pong tables in the parks.  How are they not ruined by rain?

We went into a random underground walkway in order to cross the street, and it was filled with beautiful art for sale!  

I like the brush strokes in these paintings.  The middle one is a crucifix theme but doesn't seem emo like most paintings of the crucifixion.

This sculpture is subdued, with subtle emotions.  It is a nice alternative to all the Rodin sculptures I've been seeing, of nude sculptures writhing in agony as they combat serpents or each other.