We pressured my mother to cook a birthday dinner. She got totally into it, and this is the result:
My mother decided ten years ago that I do not know how to cook. Despite years of protests from me, culminating in my cooking a dinner that she ate and said was good, she still maintains that I cannot cook. I've given up. Now I go along with it.
During dinner tonight:
Me: "This stewed eggplant is better than at restaurants! And the chives in the dumplings are amazing."
My mother: "It's nice when people don't know how to cook, like Niniane. You can make any sort of food, and they appreciate it."
Me: [sighing]
...
(later)
Me: "What happens to kids whose moms don't know how to cook? Do they just suffer eating terrible food their whole childhood?"
My mother: "There are no mothers who cannot cook!"
Me: "All right, let me put the question a different way. What's going to happen to my kids?"
My mother: [laughing] "That's a good point. But... no! There are no mothers who can't cook!"
Tom: "Niniane, that means Mom thinks you'll never have kids."
Me:
What a nice looking feast!
ReplyDeleteWhen you have kids, you'll just have to sneak them into Google for breakfast, lunch and dinner - and eat out on the weekends :-)
Or maybe take some cooking classes instead of writing classes.
dont worry sweetheart,your kids will love whatever u cook :)
ReplyDeleteHow do you expect to find a white man if you can't cook?
ReplyDeletei'm quite sure she means that once you become a mother, you will - ipso facto, acquire the ability to cook
ReplyDeleteMom's are the hardest to please of all the people on the planet. :-)
ReplyDeleteSomeone should tell Niniane she can't write either.
ReplyDeleteYou know you can cook, maybe not with your mothers expertise, but you ll get there.
ReplyDeleteAnd you will have kids :D for sure...well if you want to
Oh sweetie. YOu will be one ass kicking mother and cook!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBah, if she's dating asian fetish white boys they won't know the difference. As long as she speaks with an accent, wears the Chinese dress, and serves Trader Joe's Goyoza with some chopsticks, asian fetish white boy will cum in his pants!!
ReplyDeletePs. That food LOOKS FUCKING DELICIOUS GODDAMNIT I'M HUNGRY NOW
ReplyDeleteWow, in my coastal chauvinism I had no idea such authentic ingredients were available in Vegas.
ReplyDeleteNot that I know very much about Beijing food.
Despite years of protests from me, culminating in my cooking a dinner that she ate and said was good, she still maintains that I cannot cook. I've given up.
Aw, don't give up! Ask her what criteria she's using. Maybe she thinks a certain dish or technique is the soul of cooking. Maybe she just isn't convinced you can cook well on a repeated basis.
Also:
My mother: "It's nice when people don't know how to cook, like Niniane. You can make any sort of food, and they appreciate it."
I'm not suggesting you should make your dad's birthday the time to pick two fights with your mom, but this is also not true. That's a bit like saying people who don't know how to paint appreciate anything.
People who don't cook can certainly appreciate good technique and flavors. (I'll grant that there are people who simply don't appreciate tasty food, and this is probably no fault of their own; some people literally have so few tastebuds it's a waste.)
last one:
Me: "What happens to kids whose moms don't know how to cook? Do they just suffer eating terrible food their whole childhood?"
Yes. That's exactly what happens, unless their dad (or someone else, say, their private chef) does the cooking and knows how food should taste. Or they go out to eat all the time. (Geez, seems like I disagree with your mom on three points. I feel so disrespectful.)
Say, ten years ago, did you know how to cook? I sure didn't. I thought I did, but seriously, most of my cooking skills, not that they're awesome now, were picked up later than that.
I have some followup questions.
ReplyDeleteCan Tom cook? Whether yes or no, what does your mom think of his cooking ability?