makes gym-going a whole new ballgame

Tomorrow is my fifth session with Megan, my personal trainer. Time flies during the sessions because we're doing girltalk the entire time. For example:

Me: [quietly, while doing bicep curls] That's XX over there. (person I used to date)

Megan: Which one, which one?

Me: The one that's standing right next to the rack of weights.

Megan: [looking him up and down] ... Wow, that's a bangin' body. [long pause]

Me: You can't date him.

Megan: [at the same time] I'd fuck him.

Me: I know! That's why I had to preempt! You can't!

Megan: Okay, I would never do that to you. [still looking over]

...

When I first emailed Megan to ask if she'd be my trainer, I specified that my main goals were to gain muscle tone and to have fun, and I didn't want nutrition advice. My words were: "I've found that trying to eat less of a certain food is the surest way to guarantee that I'll end up eating a boatload of that food out of temptation."

She agreed to these conditions, though apparently she wavered when deciding whether to accept me. I'm the only client who she doesn't require to keep a food journal.

Megan: One time a client showed me his food journal, and he had pixie stix for dinner. I told him to get out of my studio.

Me: Uh... I'm really glad you're not looking at my food journal.

Megan said that it's 70% nutrition and 30% exercise, but despite maintaining my eating habits of three desserts per day, I think I notice some improvement. My shoulder seems more toned. Thank you Megan!

During our first session:

Megan: What are your goals? Do you want to lose some percentage of body fat? Lift more weight?

Me: I just want to have fun.

Megan: So ... how would we measure whether we're achieving that goal?

Me: Whether I'm smiling! [pointing at face, which is wearing a big smile] As long as I'm smiling more than 80% of the time during the session, we are achieving the goal.

Megan: [shaking head in disgust]

...

On Tuesday we did so many shoulder pressses and exercises that when I started to do one-handed plank lifts, my shoulder started trembling, then gave way and I fell onto the mat.

Megan: What the heck was that?

Me: [laughing] I think it's safe to say we worked that muscle to exhaustion.