Gross-Off

Two weeks ago, Alipé and I were chatting about disgusting stories, and we each announced that we had the Most Disgusting Story Ever. How to resolve this?

I put a calendar entry for a meeting on July 14, "The Gross-Off". All entrants were invited to tell their most disgusting story, and then we would have blind voting.

Yesterday was the long-awaited day.

Alipé: My story is truly disgusting. I will surely win! I wish more people would enter this competition, so that Niniane isn't embarrassed about being the only one whose story gets blown out of the water by mine.

Yonatan: I bet Alipé is going to win. Niniane's story is going to be something really mild. Like ... 'One time someone wore pink shoes with red trousers! It was disgusting!'

Joby and Alipé: [chuckling]

Me: We shall see. WE SHALL SEE.

At 5:30pm, I gathered 5 coworkers in an office to listen to our stories. We did a coin toss, which I won. I elected to go second.

Henry: How are we going to decide on the winner?

Me: Blind voting.

Cue: We should see which story induces the most vomiting.

Henry: [poking the trash can with his foot] Let's weigh this after each story.

Alipé told his story, eliciting groans of disgust.

Then I told mine.

When everyone sufficiently recovered from rolling on the floor in disgust, we did the voting. The results:

Niniane -- 4 votes
Alipé -- 1 vote

After I preened a bit at being crowned the new Gross-Off Champion...

Me: [extending hand] Good game, Alipé.

Alipé: [shaking my hand] Well, the best man ... lost.

(If Alipé grants permission, I will post both stories here.)